the most beautiful anniversary gift

there are some gifts you can not put in a box and tie a bow around, and those can be the most precious gifts of all.

august 4th was our 24th anniversary, mine and the hubby's that is...but the first part of this story involves my dad.    

i have a photo of my dad in the armoir in my bedroom and i see him almost every day and i tell him i love him and miss him.

earlier in the week i had been thinking about the night i went to my parent's house to make photo copies of some ephemera and things to use in my art.   it was late 2002 or early 2003.   i was not computer savvy and never really thought one could have their own printer in their home, so this was an awesome experience.

i often say i was born in the wrong time and that i am a pencil and paper and horse and  buggy girl, my parents gave us our first computer.    now i have a computer, tablet and a phone that does everything but cook dinner and clean bathrooms.  so times have changed for me.

anyway....while at my parents house, unknowingly using up all of their expensive printer ink, i asked my dad if he would put his hand on the copier.  i wanted a copy of his hand.

my relationship with my parents could be described as two rough pieces of sandpaper rubbing on each other.  i was not like them, not like my sister.  i have always been the flighty, flakey black sheep, ( recently though my sister referred to me as a free spirit, and i think that describes me best) and so  my dad seemed a bit irked and bewildered at my request, but let me copy his hand.  i copied my hand as well.

i knew we did not have much time left with my dad.   but how does one tell anyone that and sound sane, especially when they already think you're  nuts to begin with.

at my parents house that night i decided i wanted to create an altered book page with my hand in my dad's hand,  and in my hand would be a butterfly.  i loved my dad so very much, and i wanted to be able to have a part of him with me even after he no longer with us.

in july of 2003 i created my first altered book....sheesh did i like fiber back then...and uh-uhgly stuff too!

my book was the artist's edition dictionary.....

and here is the page i created.   this is very important to the rest of this story........

i even bought a book on how to make pop up pages so i could make sure i did this just right.

the august before my dad died i knew his time here would be ending very, very soon.   even though we live just 18 miles apart from each other we did not see each other very often, so feeling this would be my last chance i gave my dad the biggest hug i could and breathed him in and tried so hard to make sure i remembered every detail of him.    there are days when i miss him so and try to remember that hug.

11-13-04 we lost my dad.    every time i see 11:13 on the clock i know he is near....11 13 on a book page, anywhere i see these two numbers together....  that is when i know he is near.

over the last several years i have received hearts and pennies, i want to believe that they come from my daddy as well.   recently when i don't receive them for several days i have realized that someone in our family is in trouble...this last time i kept seeing my moms birth month and day everywhere when i realized my hearts were not showing up, and sure enough, her beloved dog roxie was dying, unexpectedly.

OK...back to a few days before my anniversary...i am thinking about all of this stuff.   thinking about the day my dad walked me down the isle.   our wedding day was not my day to be a princess....bill and i had to take care of everything and be a bride and groom.   as we were getting ready to walk down the isle my dad seemed irked and irritated.  not knowing what was going through his mind,  my overly sensitive and easily wounded self felt that he would have rather been at home in front of the tv rather than having to go through all of this and for a marriage that probably would not last....i tried to lighten the mood and crack some jokes just to get him to smile and that went over like a lead balloon.  i wish,  though,  we had a chance to talk before hand and i knew what he was thinking.

  after the reception was over he had packed up the back of his car with our gifts and we realized my overnight bag had 'accidentally' been left in the trunk and was at the bottom and he refused to unpack everything to get to my bag.  i think he was bothered at the thought of me wearing the see through nighty my sister and mom gave me as a gift..... but, the in between parts were good, we danced the father daughter dance and i cried and he held me tight.  we laughed.

 look at that grip we had holding each others hand......that and big squishy hugs was how we said i love you without words.

 my mom made the dress and veil by the way......you should see the train this thing had on it!   it was so beautiful.

that second finger on my right hand....a knuckle ring...back in 1989.   everyone thought i was odd....i was a trend setter!

   

with all that we have had happen, especially over the last couple of months my hubby forgot it was our anniversary...i knew this the day before because in years past he tells the kids...every year that tomorrow is our anniversary.    i thought about letting it slide and not saying anything...but i knew eventually he would remember and feel bad and i did not want that, so i took the sharpie out of the hair brush drawer in the bathroom that i use to write love notes and inspirational quotes on the bathroom mirror to my peeps and i wrote happy anniversary....i am not going to show you the photo of that because i did not get a chance to clean bathrooms today and there are toothpaste spatters on the mirror.....

the hubby has been working as the maintenance guy at a local fast food chain, and he worked the 5am to 1pm shift on our anniversary.   usually he is so tired that  he comes home, showers and naps for a bit.    he called on a break and sang me a line from our anniversary song and asked if i would like to go to a place that became a favorite of ours years ago called pere marquette park in grafton illinois.   the drive there is beautiful and the view from the park is beyond words....oh would i love to build a house up there!

i said yes, but really did not want to.  i kinda had the blahs and figured i would send the kids to the store to get what i needed to make his favorite cookies and we would snuggle and watch some shark week.

a few minutes later standing at the fridge i thought....what if you were going to have an awesome experience today and the only way to have it is if you get out of the house.   i felt like it was more of a hint of what was to come than a thought so i hit the shower and got ready.

my hope was to find a really neat heart or pennies.....my usual gifts.  i had no idea what the day had in store for me.

for the first time in two years we were going somewhere as a family, we finally have a vehicle that holds all 5 of us, and  comfortably...that was a beautiful gift in and of itself.    there were motorcyclists and vintage vehicles out everywhere.

 we took the back roads instead of the highway.....it is so peaceful

 the bridge heading in to alton, il.

 the river road is so beautiful just about anytime of the year...but in fall...oh my.

these roads are a bit scary because they are narrow and the further you drive the higher you get.   looking out the passenger window gives me an instant panic attack....and besides, one of us has to watch the road...the hubby sitting driver side is usually site seeing and my screams of horror tell him when to turn the wheel!

we make it to our first observation deck and we all take a few photos.  unfortunately our middle child, sam, is so very terrified of heights he can not enjoy the scenery and requires a lot of reassuring.

i am going through all of my photos about ready to lose my mind wondering where all my neat pics are and just realize i did not upload them all.   i will have to upload and add them later.

we started seeing tons of these black/brown and blue butterflies and i could not believe i had not seen these near our home before......

we moved to the next observation deck that has a better view of the river and farm land.....

 oh...our 'new' car to replace the one that was totaled.....she sure is pretty.

 max and steph walking to the next observation deck....steph is almost to the top, max is near the car.


max ended up having a severe back spasm and it took us nearly 15 minutes before he could move and we could get him to the top.   by the time we got him seated, steph had found a butterfly on a bench and was taking pictures.    she told all of us to stay away until she could take a few pictures.   he was getting nervous and moving away from her.

after steph was done i handed my crutch to bill and made my way to the bench to see if i could snap a few pictures of this beautiful butterfly.

to my amazement the butterfly did not flinch as i moved closer and closer....

he almost seemed to be striking a pose.....

i decided to see if it would crawl up on to my finger.....

as soon as we left the house i realized i had forgotten to put lotion on  my dry, dry hands...now i am glad i forgot to....the butterfly began tasting me.    the last quarter inch if its tongue was orange, damp, and cold.  it felt so neat, and yet so odd all at the same time.

at this point i burst in to tears and scared myself.....i think my inner me knew before my outer me that this was just like in my altered book.     i told my hubby through the tears i understood what this was all about now and what it all meant.

notice this is photo 465 when the butterfly is in the palm of my hand, in about the same place where the butterfly in my altered book is.  4/65 is my birth month and year which we all thought was pretty exciting.  

when my hubby brought our 'new' car home this was the tag......

steph and i had to pee something fierce when we first got to this observation deck, but once the butterfly began to walk on my hand i forgot, something i normally don't do....steph however began to do the pee pee dance after a good 20 minutes or so.   i did not want to let go of my dad the butterfly.....the hubby was getting antsy because steph was, and then max, who had been walking up and down the steps after the spasms let up came up behind me and spooked the butterfly and he flew off my hand, and then i knew it was ok to go.   by this time steph came back up the steps and tried to get the butterfly to walk up on to her hand and it refused.   the butterfly then began to fly again and to circle us and fly in between us for a minute or so and then landed across the 20 - 30 foot wide observation deck.  we all decided it was time to go and find a bathroom.    i could not wait to share this experience with everyone.  

the kids quickly made it down the 25 or 30 stone steps.   bill was on my right holding on to me and i was using my crutch with my left arm.  i was grateful the vertigo had settled down, but still took my time to get down the steps which were lumpy and bumpy and different sizes and shapes since they were made from stone. i did not want to get too cocky and end up falling down these things.

when we were almost at the bottom of the steps something caught my eye.....the butterfly flew across the observation deck and down  these steps and landed on my left upper arm!    i burst in to tears and i think at first scared my hubby.  i tried to tell him to take my phone and take a photo but the words would not come out.   the butterfly then flew to the tripod for my camera that bill was clutching with his right hand.   bill called for the kids to come see what had just happened.    there was no denying at this point that the butterfly was or was being directed by my dad....

the butterfly on my left arm, my hubby at my right.....just like 24 years earlier almost to the minute.

****** we knew this was the same butterfly because of a nick on it's right upper wing**** *

the butterfly then fluttered off the tripod and again landed on the ground where my daughter took another chance at picking it up and succeeded this time.... it then flew off of her hand after we took lots of photos and flew around us again and then way up high in to the trees.

there are lots more beautiful scenery photos i planned to show you, but this has run a bit long and my butt is going numb so i will save them for later.  

this is where the story was going to end if i had gotten to write this blog post last night like i had intended.....

this morning after my morning reading i stood at the kitchen sink and thought....wouldn't it be like the perfect ending to this story if i happened to see this same type butterfly when i went to get the mail, or on my outdoor work table.....i THOUGHT this in my head for just a brief moment and did not say it out loud, tell anyone.....

as i was uploading photos and choosing which ones to use in this post my middle guy, sam,  came out of hibernation from his bedroom and he and i chatted while i was at the kitchen table.  sam  was standing between the table and the doors that lead out the back....that have a view to my outdoor work table.....all of the sudden he said mom...there is a butterfly.   i got up and looked and this is what i saw......

i have never seen these butterflies in our yard before.  

i said over and over,  please God, please let it stay so i can get a photo.....otherwise who would believe this when i blogged about it. i then unsafely disconnected my phone from my computer and snapped these photos.

i was not able to get one, but 3 photos....real quick...before it flew up in to the trees...just like the other one did.....

i have never doubted our loved ones were far away after they pass from this world, but yet at the same time i have wondered just how much they were still with us...to what degree.  i am blown away by this experience.   there are no words to explain the feel....the sensation....the depth at which this touched my soul.

i....am.....so......grateful....for this experience.

my art is going to be published! squeeee!

a few weeks ago my dear friend Nancy Gene Armstrong shared a link with me for a call for zentangle art and suggested i submit some of my work for consideration.

well, i have wanted for years to submit my jewelry, art dolls, collage, soldering to the somerset magazines and others and have not just shyed away, but i have run, quickly, away.   

why you ask...and for those who did not ask i will explain it anyway.


rejection.   


it hurts so bad, and i feel like i have had way more than my fair share of it.   as a result i just quit doing those things where rejection would be an option.  

by the time  nancy gene had seen the link and shared it there was 24 hours left to submit artwork.

i thought about it for the first 12 hours or so.  we are going through such a hard time right now....the last several years have been difficult and i really did not want to experience one more let down, dissapointment, or rejection.   i can't take it.   i won't volunteer for it.  

but, then again....i have been working so hard to change the things in me i don't like, that don't suit me and keep me from being the best i can be so that i can be brave and strong and  ready to step out of that comfort zone of mine....and these last few years that has been thrown at me whether i wanted it or not.

  i knew i needed to step outside my box where it was uncomfortable and scary, even though to do so meant i would be naked, exposed, and vulnerable emotionally.  the step i must take in the metamorphosis of me.  and so i did it.  i submitted 4 of my tangles to the create mixed media facebook page.

 i wish now i would have submitted a couple of more, especially since i am finding i like the steampunky bits like i did in this piece.....

a couple of weeks later i got an email that all 4 of my pieces had been chosen for the book!

yippee!  oh-holy-crap......

i was terrified.  now something of me was expected and another fear of mine popped up...dissapointing others.   this has been a most debilitating fear.   it seems growing up i had quite a knack for that.   now, though i understand all the why-s of it as an adult, but that little girl in me is still quite scared and hurt, and skiddish of it all.    

 if i did not put myself out there, i did not have to face possibly dissapointing others.  

i can't do this, i can't do this, i can't do this....i gotta do this, what if i can't do this...what am i gonna do, how am i gonna do this.

the words from pages of requirements swirled all mixed up in my brain.....what if i screw this up.  what if the beast attacks during the middle of this....what if i dissapoint.

i had to recreate the steps as close to the same size as in the original finished piece....i doodle just for the relaxation of it all.....i don't do it with a purpose other than the peace i feel while doing it, i do it for ME.....  now i don't get to do it,  i HAVE to do it, and i have to do it for others....  it is going to be so hard.....i can't...i just can't.   yup that was my state of mind.  

i prayed that night that Jesus would tell me how i was going to do this.  (and for those who know me, ten years ago who woulda thought those words would leave these lips of mine)

the next morning i woke up and as i walked in to the kitchen i heard in my head go get your light box...go get your lightbox!   thank you Jesus!  i went down to my studio and was happy and dissapointed at the same time.  i remembered that light box being a bit larger than it was.  it was a mere 6x8 or so and the light was a night light bulb.  well, that is better than nothing, right?  

i showed my hubby the lightbox and said ' see Jesus gave me the answer'. he still has a love/hate thing going on with God, so sometimes i just get the ok whatever look from him.    later that day he surprised me and had printed off a 40% coupon for hobby lobby and bought me a lightbox that would better suit my needs.   luckily, since he is still unemployed, we had just received his retirement check that day so we had the funds to do so.    


i did end up having to battle the beast during all of this in varying degrees and had one of the worst ear infections i have had in years and was in the most awful pain.   but i made it through.   i did not run away.  


here is what i worked on over the last few days.......it took me about 6 -8 hours a day over 4 days

the hubby just left a bit ago to the post office to mail these off. 

this evening i need to finish the captions and email those to the publisher and it will be done.

i did it!  i did it!  i did it!  i am so darned proud of myself!

i am going to be brave and submit art to all those other places i have been to afraid to in the past.

a mountain conquered for this arty girl! 

  

chalkboard redo: spring, rebirth, renewal

ack!  i am running behind.  the first of the month is when i change out the decorations and i just took down the valentine decorations and erased the valentine drawing from the chalk board last night

i love love and it was hard to take it all down, but i am so ready for spring! 

last week i went on the hunt for bunny ideas on the internet, hoping to get some inspiration as to what i would draw next on the chalkboard. 

i was mildly inspired by what i found, and   i doodled and doodled and by the time i was done you could tell what kind of a week i was having

steph calls the bunny above the crack bunny.   i plan to use him as one of the easter bunnies on the board with a bite out of his ear.  steph informed me she would never, ever, ever take a bite out of a hairy bunny.  

so i am sure from the theme you can guess i had a one of those weeks.  

i am starting to love the art of lettering, and the 30's and 40's are a couple of my favorite decades. 

i sketched what i plan to put on the top of the chalkboard this evening, which has a bit of both of what i am loving.

bunny 1 and 2 will be underneath.   bunny 1 with a shamrock in hand to give to bunny 2.   my family looked at me, smiled that just agree with the crazy lady smile  and made their usual comments knowing full well since i am the drawer i am the winner!   *snort*  

too much cuteness and seriousness and i break out in hives....i must be highly allergic to them both.

something about the haggard bunny makes me think of my dad...he use to joke with the kids that he caught the easter bunny and we were going to have bbq'ed easter bunny for dinner.  yup....i am genetically predisposed to a sick sense of humor i am! 

i finally got to start working on a secret project today

i will play a bit more show -n- tell and tell you all about next week.

right now, just say a prayer a make it through the next week without this nasty bad ear infection getting worse, or better.   i have discovered since i have had a couple of colds and the flu this season that the gnarly beast does not really act up while i am plugged and stuffed up, but when i start getting better and the fluid and goo and such is drying up.   that means since i have 13 more pieces of doodly goodness to draw in the next few days i need to buckle down and get it all done.  the beast was just  quite a misbehaving jerk for a couple of weeks and have just gotten a break the last few days.  this ear infection all   started in my bad ear and moved to my sinus' and now is working its way to my good ear.  this afternoon as i was working on my project the flood gate opened up on the schnoz...nothing like having to back away from the art to avoid a catastrophe.     why is it snot only flows at a rate faster than what you can grab a tissue when in a social situation, or when it can potentially ruin what it lands on?!  

  i am waiting to see if we can get in to a different clinic.... the free clinic i go to is only open for a few hours on monday's and wednesday's  and by the time they can normally work you in my ears will either rot off or i will be healed...thank you Jesus.  

on a less tmi note, my oh-so-sweet wonderful, beautiful, most awesome daughter brought me home 3 new tiaras this past week!  squeeeeeeee!  she know what makes her momma smile!   and earlier this evening a mcdonalds mocha frappe.....oh dear those are my crack.   i have pictures of my 3 newest tiaras...the frappe did not survive long enough for a photo shoot.

and i wore them while doing the housework and cooking dinner, and watching tv, and being arty,  because..... yes, i am the princess of it all! 

i have a ton of hearts and pennies to show you, but that will have to wait for another day.  the caffeine high i was riding as a result of the mcd's mocha frappe is dropping me like a sky diver without a parachute, i have heartburn like crazy and my ears are hurting so bad i could puke up my toenails from the pain.....oh and i am feeling a hot flash coming on....oh the joys of being 47 and almost 11 months old!  now i get to decide if i want to have a swig of store brand mylanta for the heartburn or a halfa vicodin and a few hours of hallucinations for the ear infection pain.   i might just go for the halfa vicodin since it will make me forget about the heartburn and not care about the hot flash.  

hmmmm....i wonder which tiara one wears for a vicodin high?  


i will leave you with a couple of photos of cuteness of eleanor and clarence...remind me sometime to tell you about how clarence and eleanor came in to our life...i don't think i have properly introduced them.  oh...and the day eleanor discovered her penis....... that is quite the story.  

big smoochies to you....nighty night.

How Steph ended up in the ICU

i do not make new year's resolutions, but i did decide to start blogging again last month....this is not what i wanted my first post in 8 months to be about.  but i am thankful that the outcome was a good one. 

first i want to thank everyone who prayed for us, kept us in their thoughts, and i want to thank my sister who has helped us out in several ways during this ordeal.


a couple of weeks ago steph confided in me that she had what she thought was a cystic zit on her...uh....well...the top of her butt crack.   (we would later find this was not the case)

several days went by and it was uncomfortable.  then it began to swell larger and larger and become very painful.  at this point i began to get nervous and the what ifs set in because of what my mom, sister and brother in law had been through...i will explain that later.   i told steph if sitting on the heating pad and hot showers did not bring a change for the better, or if things got worse we needed to make a trip to the e.r.

with insurance, the thought of going to the e.r. for a large cystic zit on your  butt crack would be embarrassing to say the least.   since the hubby is still unemployed, we are still without insurance.  steph did not want us to end up with a large bill over something so 'stupid'.  i told her i would rather have a hospital bill than a bill from a funeral home.  

last tuesday steph was in pain, and she just did not look right and i could not put my finger on it....my dad's words rang in my head....follow your gut.  always follow your gut.  

the next morning steph woke up crying and could not stand up.  this cyst had become the size of a golf ball and the area around it inflamed to baseball size.    we have fluffy butts around here, so this whole time it had been hard to figure out just how big this thing had become. 

the hubby and i took steph to the e.r. and found that what she actually had was a pilonidal cyst.   this is a very common occurance actually.   these are usually easily treated.  they are lanced and drained, packed and the patient sent home on antibiotics and then a follow up with a surgeon.  

the e.r. doc nummed her up, and used a syringe to suck out the some of the gunk to send off to culture to check for staph and/or mrsa, along with a few other boogery medical things.    then he lanced it.   i all but keel over changing a boo boo band aid on a loved one, and max's two major bike accidents that i had to clean and dress and take care of  nearly sent me over the edge.   being in the room was for my baby girl.  i did not want to leave her side, or her feet actually during this process.   even though i could not see her boo-boo, watching the doctors face as he drained this freaked me out...next thing we know there is a parade of medical peeps coming in to take a look at this thing.   it was quite a show.   this cyst went 3 inches deep.   in the medical world this was an awesome site...for the momma...uh...no.   and the smell.   oh there are no words.   one little nurse in training had to leave the room.  i tried not to get the giggles as i thought how i would never complain about the hubbys onion ring farts ever again.  

so the doctor packed her wound with about 6 or 7 feet of packing and sent us home, and we were given the phone number of the hospital surgeon, and a clinic surgeon to follow up with, as sometimes surgery is required to remove this particular sinus cavity to keep this from happening again.   oh, how are we going to afford this.   ok God, i hope you have a plan buddy.  

we joked and giggled on the way home.   we decided all she needed to tell fellow employees and her students was that she had a cyst on her tailbone.  

this is when it got scary. 

we got home, steph went to her room and i went to the kitchen and started making phone calls to get her in to see a surgeon.   i came back to our bedroom to change clothes and steph was standing in the hall way violently shaking, her color was odd, she was breathing strange.   she said she was not cold but it seemed at first she had really really bad chills.  i tucked her in my bed with a heating pad and space heater and called the e.r. to see if she was maybe having some type of allergic reaction to something.   they told me to try warming her up, or bring her back.  

this time i listened to my gut and we loaded her back in the car and took off for the hospital.   half way there i wish i had listened to my gut a bit better and called for an ambulance.   steph was losing consciousness. i had to keep shaking her to wake her back up.    in my head i yelled for everyone who  had passed over to not let her die on us.

by the time we got to the e.r. her temp, in less than an hour had gone from normal to 104, and that was with 3 motrin in her she had taken as soon as she got home.   her heart was racing and her blood pressure was 50/30.   there were times when the machine would not even register the bottom number of her blood pressure. 

many hours later we were in the i.c.u.    she was in septic shock.    we would also be told later that she had toxic shock syndrome.  i never knew you could get that any other way than what we had all grown up hearing about....using tampons.     the infection, since it was contained in the cyst, and had no way of getting out, had caused the toxic shock syndrome.   at that point the packing, or what we have lovingly started calling it...butt stuffins were removed because that would just continue to hold the infection in, however to keep the incision from healing outside in and trapping infection in a pocket, just the last inch or so is packed with medicated packing, butt stuffins.  this will allow the wound to heal from the inside out so that there should be no infection trapped inside causing this problem again.   there is though a 40% chance this could happen again, then she would definitely need surgery.

max and i spent the night with her and bill went home for the night.   later the next day after lots of saline and 3 different antibiotics by i.v. 4 or 5 times a day,   steph's heart rate and blood pressure had normalized enough to move her down the hall.   a c.t. scan showed the infection had not spread to tissue outside of the cyst or bone. 

saturday night steph got to come home.   sleep deprived we all slept off and on in odd shifts.  by monday my brain finally seemed to be able to process what had happened.  it is amazing how your brain goes in to survival mode during a crisis.  

we joked on the way home how when you go on vacation you get a tshirt, and she gets to come home with a neato souvenir mug.  

max and i caught the crud while at the hospital, but thankfully  not the flu.  seems there were quite a few flu patients.  i am thankful that i am hearing impaired.  steph said that when the nurses would open her door she could hear people barfing.  

they sent steph home on one of the meds she received by i.v., clyndamycin and now has developed an allergic reaction and we have switched meds.  

tuesday we see the surgeon.  i am hoping that we will no longer require butt stuffins.   my sister, who is a nurse, has been coming over to change this every other day.     no matter how many times i gave my self a pep talk and tried to put my big girls panties on, there is just no way i could get my self to stuff packing in to an incision in my baby girls body.  

i posted this on my blog since it was too lengthy to post on facebook, but also to share just how fragile and amazing we are all at the same time. 

a couple of years ago my brother in law had either a pimple or ingrown hair on his elbow.  he ended up with an abscess burrowing in to his elbow a good inch or two.   

last year my sister had the same thing on her groin area.   she ended up having to have a patch of tissue removed about 5 inches long and 3 inches deep.  she had staph.  she too went in to septic shock and kidney failure.   the change from something the size of a pimple to a mass of infected tissue happened overnight.

my mom, a few months after my sister, was bit by a spider on her back.  within a day or two my mom also ended up with a mass of infected tissue on her back and had to have a dinner plate sized tissue removed, down to the muscle layer.   she had staph, and ended up with mrsa.  

my mom and sister had in recent months before this happened had the strep virus.  

steph's cultures did not grow staph, and this actually puzzled the doctors.  they thought for sure she had staph.    but she hadnot had strep for years.  

i am not saying there is a connection to step and staph, but makes you wonder.  

we all have staph on our bodies, and most of us do not end up going through what i have seen family members go through.  

i asked 2 doctors at the hospital if there was any connection in any of this, some sort of buggy germ we had all passed around and both told me that staph, and the results i have had family members go through is becoming more and more common.  we have over medicated and our bodies are not able to naturally fight these bugs off.  

i am so thankful that everyone in my family has come through these events and are healing.  

on the way to the hospital with steph when she had become septic i was thankful we were a loving family and that we hug each other several times daily and tell each other daily many times we love each other.....the two usually go hand in hand.   but, i still would not have told her enough how much i loved her.  i told her over and over on the way.   just in case i never got the chance to again. 

don't ever take what you have right now in this moment for granted.