the longest 1.2 miles i have ever walked....but i did it....and some more soldered schtuff

so yesterday afternoon the beast and i fought.  a year ago, 2 years ago i would have given up and crawled in my bed, or been forced there by the hubby who worries.   i pushed myself and went down to my studio and made art.   some days when the beast is acting up my body and brain do not communicate with each other.   my throat tries to swallow backwards, and i choke....my hands forget to hold things and that means carrying a glass-glass is a no-no and this big girl is forced to use a plastic drink bottle....which sometimes feels like a grown up girl sippee cup.  my feet and legs forget how to walk on stairs. 

so i made it down to my studio and began putting feathers and vintage text between layers of glass that i had to first wipe down and then tape to prepare to solder.  i have had to learn to laugh, and alot, to keep sane with this disease.   it was almost cartoon like yesterday.  things would begin to fall from my grip and i would try to catch it and just as i had it back in my hands it fell again and i grabbed again.  

the best way to describe how this feels is for you to imagine being on a ride that spins while standing and the floor suddenly tilts or drops out from under you....now while all of this is going on try to walk, talk, swallow, make art....using an x-acto knife and scissors and glass and all things pokey and proddy.....  that is what i live with in varying degrees every day. 

last year while looking for.....ugh i don't know what on the meniere's support group fb page i came across a post that a doctor recommended that you do the hard things, not avoid them and it will help you COPE better over time.  i was angry at first...is this doctor nuts?!  i would like to see him try.   the next day though i realized i had been  letting this beast win.   there are days when i will never be able to even think of getting out of bed no matter how hard i try....but there are plenty of days in between that i can.   i want my life back and i began taking charge again.

  cooking and doing the dishes are still torture as the movement can be nauseating and make the spins flare up....but a little over a year ago i began doing them again...most days.  it sucks but i CAN do it.

last year i did not walk but just a few times on the really good days.  i miss walking, and steph and i started walking again last week...... i was having some really good days so the walking was pretty easy.   we have started off slow, for my sake, just doing 1.2 miles a night.  just a bit over the average 2,000 steps taken in a mile.   i am hoping in the next couple of months to be up to the 10,000 daily steps that are recommended.  

those with meniere's or vertigo and balance issues also have problems navigating in the dark.   with landmarks less visible it feels like floating in outer space and standing on the very edge of the grand canyon with gravity pushing you over the edge all at the same time.  you have no point of reference to know which end is up when your brain is telling you differently.   last night i really wanted to walk and kept thinking there is just no way.  steph asked if i wanted to try and i told her i did not know if i would be able to make it both trips around the block but i wanted to give it a shot.   a part of me was convinced if i just got out there and walked the vertigo and imbalance would just go away.  for so many years i was told this was in my head, or anxiety even though i was originally diagnosed when i was 19.    sometimes, especially on the less challenging days i do try really hard to convince myself that it is all in my head and some days i am just plain in denial that this is really happening to me. 

i probably walked more like 4,000 steps than 2,000 from the stumbling, it was awful and awesome at the same time.  i constantly had to stop and get my bearings back and start up again.  i constantly felt like i was falling and only knew when i was when steph would grab on to me.   steph said i looked like a baby just learning to walk....i saw my shadow at one point and joked i looked like frankenstein walking for the first time!    the first time around the block was scary, the second a challenge...and like i said before it was awful and awesome at the same time.  my daughter kept cheering me on telling me how proud she was of me....and that helped....a lot.  it was the longest 1.2 miles i had ever walked and when we got home i was beyond exhausted.

this evening i was a bit less spinny and off balance but,  i had started to talk myself out of that walk.  it was hard and i had forgotten to have the hubby adjust my second crutch.  i usually only use one, but decided on the extra challenging days we walk that using both might help....i could come up with a list of excuses but i put my walking shoes on and we did it again tonight.  the first lap was hard and the second had me spinning and out of balance just as much as i was the night before.  but i did it!

I DID IT!  I DID IT!  I DID IT! 

and if i did it...then you can too.


so now that i have written a book...let there be arty show and tell!

i used some of this...which i love....

on the back of a mirror.  i am wanting to age the mirror.  this mirror is not like the other cheapies i have done this to...the paint backing is not wanting to come off very easy and makes me wonder if this is even going to work.   as of 12:48 a.m.  the stripper is still working on eating the paint off.   i am going to sleep with fingers crossed that this works. 

i finished taping these.   i love how they look like they are in a science-y display case.  i thought about just doing plain and simple solder, but in my head it gave these bits and pieces a more modern look and i wanted vintage-y because this girl likes vintage-y everything.

i debated between using my newly discovered textured technique and my sorta newly discovered bolted look and decided to go for the newer textured technique. 

half way through i had some regrets...then i soldered a bit more and liked it....then i had regrets.  you know those days when you put on an outfit and hate it and put on another and feel gross and put on another...and another.   good old pms....perimenopausally enhanced that is!  sheesh!

i soldered until 9:00pm and the time flew by.  i was not going to quit until the soldering was all done.  i had no idea how much time had gone by.   looking at this has me so ready to start working on the ancestors piece i sketched and stuff gathered for ummmm....3 years ago maybe.   i am going to need the solder and flux fairy to visit me first since i am almost out of them both. 

i am kinda thinking i have too many pieces for the length i was originally planning on, but we will find out tomorrow when i put it all together. 

i did get one piece patina-ed.  i loves it patina-ed.  i loves it bunches!

normally there is no food or drink allowed in the studio since i work with a lot of icky chemicals.  there is usually something on my hands.  i did make an exception for this though.   my youngest is a culinary genious.  he is considering making this his profession.   we love iced coffee, with the exception of the hubs, and they are expensive.  i had all the makings for it in the pantry and max just made up his own recipe  and with the exception of a tad bit too much sugar the first time, we decided, he nailed it! 

it makes me think back to a brief conversation i had with my dad years ago.  for a long time i wanted to be able to open up a shop in one of  our historical main street buildings.  my dad thought it would be neat to have a small diner/cafe.  he said he could be the cook and we girls could make and sell our art in the same shop.   it makes me sad that we could not ever see that dream come true.  how neat it would have been to have max and my daddy both being culinary genius's together...especially since max reminds me so much of my dad.

i have babbled my brains out and still have a million things i could say but i think this arty girl is going to throw the hubs jeans in the dryer and try to get some sleep so i can finish up that necklace and start something new. 

hope you had a beautiful day....much love to you!  mwah!

my first free clinic visit and some bit and pieces of neato art

so i have been m.i.a. since wednesday. 

wowzer what a day that was.  since the hubby is still 'officially' unemployed, he is working with a temp agency, and we are without insurance i had what i hope to be a first and last experience with a local free clinic.   i needed a refill on a medicine that keeps my heart rate and rhythm in check.

first of all let me just say God bless those people.  they are volunteering their time. 

second of all...i will be applying to our local large well known hospital for future care.

this free clinic is located in the basement of the salvation army....behind the soup kitchen....and it looked just like it was out of a t.v. show, and worse than what you are imagining!

all of the nurses and doctors are, and i kid you not, 70+ years old.   the doctor i saw said he was a youngin' and he was in his 70's.   he was a big wig at our local large well known hospital until heart surgery forced him to cut back on office hours.  he was the kindest man, but forgetful as could be.  he said my heart sounded great.....and that always makes me feel relieved...i just hope  he remembered what a great sounding heart sounds like.

one female doctor had to use a cane, it took her about 15 minutes to make it to the bathroom, which was about 25 feet from her office.  one of the nurses had to ask her if she needed help.  as she approached i notice the white-see-through-sweater-wearing-cane-toting-woman-doctor  did not have a bra on.  it was a bit chilly in the room.  and oh-my-lawd  i could see her....areolas.  uh...according to google plural would be areolae.   i suddenly turned in to a teen-age boy and had to hold back a bout of hysterical, i can not believe i am seeing this, giggles.   i then asked God to forgive me, as i am doing now, and then prayed that she would not be my doctor. 



there were no computers, calculators.....the nurses station i was at had one of those clip on auto lamps....my nurse was so sweet and was just as deaf as i am!  *snort*  thank God my daughter was there to translate for the both of us!   it did not help that my tinnitus was roaring so loud i could not hear, and to top it off my hearing aid battery died and i was out of new ones. 

the free clinic had just the group of people you would expect...your average person who you can tell works for a living but does not have insurance, and then couple on meth....or some form of drug, the gansta, a poor woman who had a stroke in january...she broke my heart.  it was her first visit there as well.

the doctor wanted blood work done to check on my anemia, which was life threatening a few years ago.  he took me to this room with a woman that i swear was about 90 and there was a place to rest your arm....an old wooden t.v. tray.  i have had my blood drawn so many times over the years that i have track marks and look like a druggie so it does not bother me.....but,  oh holy crap there was no way this woman was going at me with a needle while my arm was on a germy tv tray.....but thank God this was the medicine room.  she could arrange for financial aid on presciptions if we could not afford them.   thankfully my meds are only 12 bucks.

ok....so now on to happy schtuff......

ohhhh.....forgot to upload photos....hold on......

oh, as a treat for being a good girl at the doctor my daughter took me for some froyo at my new favorite place.  orange leaf. 

coffee, chocolate, and cheese cake frozen yogurt topped with mini chocolate chips, mini caramel turtles and reeses pieces.....i just know this is what heaven tastes like!

this one was steph's

so on the way home from our treat we were stuck in after school and construction traffic.  i was thinking to my self how sad i was that i had not seen a sysco truck.  the hubby and kids see them all the time, and since it is a rare treat lately for me to get out of the house i was sure hoping to see one.  my dad was working for sysco when he passed away almost 8 years ago.  it has always been taken as a hello from my dad since then.   right as i began to then tell my daughter that i was sad i just happened to look up and see a tree in the shape of a heart.  i reached for my camera, but was too late to snap a photo as traffic began to move.  

my daughter and i caught the attention of several young hunky construction dudes....they waved as we drove by.   that makes a girl feel good!

we decided to pull back around and sit in traffic again so that i could take a photo to add to my collection of hearts from heaven....and great,  now the construction dudes are going to think we are out to pick them up....*snort*

on the way back we noticed the tree did not look at all like a heart from the back.  as we approached the tree from the other direction it was not looking hearty in the very least and if my daughter had not also witnessed this i would have thought i was losing my mind.  now i was really sad that i missed the photo op for this.  then traffic began to move again and there must have been the slightest breeze and it looked like a heart again!  i was able to snap a blurry photo of it.  not quite as hearty as the first time we saw it, but hearty it was.

this project originally started as a necklace.  wellllll....i decided mid construction to turn it in to a bracelet. 

the top reliquary has a bird skull i sculpted out of polymer.  the bottom and smaller reliquary has a coyote toe bone.  (i bought the bones from a fellow etsy seller who promised the coyote was road kill and not just killed for the bones, just in case you wondered about such things)

when i first told my daughter she said 'you know that is huge mom' and i told her not much huge-er than some of the chunky bracelets girls were wearing lately. 

ok...i am just way out of the box.....like i can not even see the box i am so out of it!    i spent way to many years stuffed and crammed in the box.....i am now allergic to boxes. 

so here we have the bracelet put together....but if you notice the end pieces....i had to remove the jump rings and re-solder them on a bit different to get the 'clasp' i chose to work.

this is a tim holtz doo-hicky.  i believe it is a pocket watch fob. 

and here are the jump ring do overs

and all patina-ed and the clasp attached.

and pics of the bracelet on in the studio and kitchen....

today was a wee bit of a nutty day.  oh....but last night this night owl fell asleep at just a bit after 11 pm the night before and woke up without the aid of an alarm at 9ish!  ....come to think of it, maybe that is why it was wonky?! 

i have been looking on the internet for a tute on how to texturize solder.  at least 2 years ago, maybe a wee bit longer,  i have had a few bird nest reliquaries ready to solder, but i wanted the solder to look like tree bark.  

today i found several photos of what i wanted but not a tute to be found for free that is....then it hit me.  i know this look...i did it to my bathroom a few years ago.  our bathroom paint kept chipping and for some reasone i got this idea to schmere the walls with joint compound and then give them texture with a wadded up plastic bag.  the paint no longer chips!

well, i could not use a wadded up plastic bag on hot smoldering liquidy solder, so i used a paper towel...that was not quite it...then i added water to the paper towel and wah-freaking-lah!  squeeeeee!

there was still condensation on the inside....the ants in my pants could not wait for the photo op.

now i liked this....but not quite what i wanted....

a few hours later i realized that i wanted the high spots to look more shiny, as though time had rubbed off the patina.

i wanted to use steele wool, but we had not a bit of it and the budget did not allow for a run to the hardware store....thankfully i had some bazillion grit wet/dry sand paper used in auto detailing that i used for the time being.

now this is just how i pictured it looking!  like a dork i keep looking at it with the biggest grin on my face that i figured out how to do this technique, and for free even!

today, the 22nd, i get to share my birthday with earth day.   according to the calendar i am 47.  my mind begs to differ.  it feels more like 20something.  

i received this in the mail from someone i feared i might never get to talk to or see again and that made me happy beyond words, and that is a pretty difficult thing to cause when it comes to me....to be beyond words. 

i have also received some of the sweetest and kindest and most unexpected birthday wishes.  i believe this arty girl's smiley face might just get stuck this way....just like my mom always told me! 

much love to you all.   big sloppy smooches and squishy hugs.