dealing with my demons and other assorted life bits....

getting ready to sage.......but procrastinating by doing a blog post first.

our family has been through a living hell for 5 years now.   my hubby was forced to retire from a job he had for over 30 years because of a money hungry company, we lost health care, our furnace and a/c pooped out and we had plans to replace them about the same time he lost his job, (we still go without heat and a/c)  our antique couch and love seat, 80 and 100 years old pooped out and we were going to replace them as well, (my hubby transformed an antique buffet into a very uncomfortable couch this past summer)  we were remodeling our kitchen, the outside of the house needs siding replaced.....all of that put on hold.  we have gone hungry for days, even a few times for weeks....only to become ill from our body trying to process food when we were able to eat for the first time again.  thankfully that was only the first few years, now, we may not be eating steak and lobster.....the meals are simple, but we eat.   we have felt like, and it has looked like we have been living in _______________  (fill in the blank with the word you feel least offended by.....slums, projects, poor house........)

may 31, 2013 our home was hit by a f-3 tornado.  may 31st 2014 my hubby and i were hit head on by a woman who ran a red light.   it took months to be able to function again, and to this day we are both still experiencing physical issues from the accident.  i still have flashbacks from the accident and panic attacks when i walk down to my studio, not to mention being in a car.... in january of this year i had 2 surgeries, and there were questions as if i would, in the end, survive the mystery infection, he had 1 in between my two.  i am now finally getting back to 'normal' from that.   my youngest son has lost 8 friends (?), i have lost count, this year.   plus 1 friend lost both his legs in an accident, an acquaintance is fighting for his life at this moment.  he has been going through a nightmare with his newest truck, my daughter experiencing a lot of mental and emotional issues as she has lost a great deal of weight this year, many of the same our sister in law experienced as she lost a great deal of weight.  

then there are the stresses from trying to figure out which bills to pay this month, things we use to consider normal expenses are luxuries.

in january, when the hubby and i were recouping from our surgeries, our daughters naughty cat knocked the christmas tree down and it broke, along with most of my beautiful antique ornaments.   i have been praying for a miracle that we can replace that tree, the ornaments, and buy christmas gifts for the kids.   my kids are all young adults, but i can not tell you what an awful feeling it is to not only go without food on christmas morning, but to not even have a small gift under the tree for each of them.  i am keeping the faith and believing with all my might that we will be blessed and be able to replace that tree, the ornaments and buy gifts not only for our kids, but for someone who still has little ones that believe in santa.  

there is a ton of icky, bad, sticky, ooey gooey juju floating around this house.

it is time to clean house.

i go to church twice a week, i spend time with God everyday, i read my bible......but the blech is still around here in the house....so even if the darkness and demons are of my own making, sending them packing so i can solder, assemble, and create again in peace will be awesome.


happy stuff......

several friends and my family have been pushing me to do an adult coloring book.   i put it off.  i do not have a publisher.   i do not know how it is going to happen.  the market is already flooded with them.   i do not have a real plan.  if i can't answer these questions, then why should i even start or try.....but...why not.   my drawings have now been published twice.....who knows what could happen.

just a sample of some of the tangles drawn so far......

the one below i just finished last night.   i love line drawing.   i love how it almost seems like you could touch the page and feel the hills and valleys created by the pen.  it is the most meditative art form i know of.    it amazes me every time how easy it is to get in the zone and empty my mind while at the same time feeling like i am moving in rhythm with the pen.

while working on the project above, and being lost in the moment, i thought about how on a hot day you can see the shadow of heat coming off of like a bar-b-que pit, or the exhaust of a vehicle and how it rolls and moves....the lines i was drawing looked a bit like that......which led to the following thought and post on facebook....

coulda heard crickets chirping on that post.   thankfully one good friend, who gets me, replied.....

as i grow older, and wiser, i realize how much energy is put out there, and how we can almost physically touch each other with that energy.   i think some of us are much more sensitive to it than others.   my hubby.....immune.  if you seem like a nice person he likes you.   me.....i can size up, with about 98% accuracy, anyone in the first few seconds i see you.   maybe it has to do with a couple of icky bad things that happened as a child in combination with being hearing impaired most of my life...i have learned to listen to body language, then speech.

so anyway....back to where i was heading to ....
a few weeks ago i made a quick list of what to draw for the coloring book and decided to just start drawing.   i will in faith leap, and the wings will grow on the way down.  i will take the first step and the staircase will appear.

i am also in the middle of a huge hand sewing project, and getting my studio cleaned and organized, and demon free, so that i can begin making gifts.

ahhhhhh.....and when i find myself stressed, i always, and i  mean always....for some reason feel the need to add in something challenging.   i have been wanting to teach myself to draw monsters....nice, sweet, maybe slightly creepy, monsters....like for a year now, or more....and i decide to do it....now.

monster #1

monster #2

i love this little geriatric beat to crap chicken bat so much!   i drew it for my oldest son's 22nd birthday card....i love that boy to pieces, but it was gut wrenching to give this guy away knowing he would be stuffed in a memory box.  i feel really bad admitting that, but it is the truth.

i might draw another....i already know i would do that tattered wings a tad bit different.....



my dad.......

i am amazed how when we talk to our loved ones that have crossed over, how they will many times communicate back with us.  

a couple of days ago i was talking, in my head, to my dad about a situation.  i went to empty the washer and found a penny.   lots of time i find change in the washer...no biggie.   when i find just a penny, or just pennies, i feel like that is an angel saying hi.   but where i found this penny when i opened the washer....i knew i had been acknowledged...

that is where the penny stayed during the entire wash, rinse, and spin cycle.  how it did not vibrate in to the washer i will never know.

i also have to say that since the latest iphone update, you can not edit a photo on your phone and then have it transfer in a file you can open on a windows based computer.....grrrrrr....so the photo is sideways.

a bit earlier in the day i was talking again to my dad, and i then realized there was something on instagram i wanted to show my daughter.   i grabbed my phone, opened my instagram app, and the first photo was a screen shot of a screen shot from someones phone....notice the header on the text message says......dad.    got an acknowledgement again.

i don't talk to my dad everyday, and many times i don't get an answer.....that i know of.   but we have connected quite a bit lately.  maybe because i have been jabbering at him so much lately he is trying to get me to leave him alone...lol....?

later in the day i was thinking of my sister.   her first and middle name...cheryl lynn.   long story, again....talking with my dad about something involving her.....and the song 'got to be real' popped in my head.   when i get random songs in my head, and i know i have not heard them recently....and they all seem to be 90's and older, i go looking up the lyrics....just to see if there is a message, or meaning.   many times i can't find one.   so, i googled the lyrics for this song, and it was blown away....the first and middle name of an artist that recorded this song......

blew me away......again my dad heard me.   i did not remember her until i saw this on google.

if you are rolling your eyes and thinking i am a crazy flake....you gotta stand  in line behind my mom, dad, and sister.   thank God my hubby and kids have witnessed these things first hand enough, and 2 of my kids are gifted with this as well, so they have not had me committed.   my hubby almost did not marry me because my ability to know things and weird prophetic dreams.....he tells me on a regular basis i need to document and write a book on my dreams, so since i have already exposed enough crazy here these last few blog posts i will probably start posting them next post.

but i share these very personal experiences for someone who has lost a loved one and wonders if they are a crazy flake too, or wonder if that butterfly, penny...or smell...or whatever is really a sign.   i want that person to know it is real.   i want that person to take comfort knowing they are surrounded by love.   i also believe that the more i work on being a better me, the more i have these experiences.  when i went through i really tough time and was holding a bit of anger and unforgiveness i rarely, if ever had these experiences.

i also see numbers....11/13 is from my dad, 905 from my grandma, 4/13 if i need to call my mom, smells.....coffee and home cooking from my mom's parents.   cigarette smoke, my dad's parents.

i think you have to be open and willing to experience this.   i think gratitude and acknowledgment play a part in it.   i thank my dad, my angel, every time i am gifted.   i assume it is my dad who plays games with me at times, and i feel like it is him when i find hearts, pennies in really hard to find or really odd places.


some hearts i was gifted.....

my oldest son's fiance' sent my son home with the remainder of cake she had made him...found this yellow frosting heart on the side last night.

an ice cube

there was another heart or two, and i guess i did not take a photo.



and for cat lovers.....


why does max take so long to come in the house after he comes home......i have waited for him to pet me all day....(or....am i dying, or is that just gas?)

oh....i just heard max come in the front door.   (or...i just farted....did they hear it?)

being a cat is so hard.....i collapse from exhaustion.

my furry dream catcher....

my furry dream catcher giving me the stink eye for taking photos of her while she is trying to sleep.

a bit of art, a lot of baking, and a ghostly visitor

yaaaaaaaaawwwwwn....this girl is pooped....but happy.  my arty-mojo is back in full force and boy did this girl miss it while it was away.

i wanna do everything...NOW!   my arty-a.d.d. is in danger of rearing its ugly head, so i need to make sure i slow it down and finish   e v e r y t h i n g   i start. 

this has been a long weekend, but not long enough.   its seems like just hours ago we were all just waking up to friday commenting that it felt like saturday, all muh peeps had the day off for good friday.  

saturday the beast hit hard and bad and i thought maybe if i ignored it, just maybe, it would go away and let me play artist girl in the studio.  i managed to solder two of these before i had to call it quits. (i just realized that i did not take a photo of the entire vase, i still need to add the wire so that i can hang it)  i will take a finished photo of it tomorrow after i add the wire.

i should not have been playing with anything sharper or hotter than a crayon, as the vertigo became more intense my lack of coordination became comical and dangerous at the same time.

i have had these wee hanging vases for about uhhhh...2 years.  i told the hubby i knew i would figure out something nifty to do with them, and pretty them up.  it is amazing how just a bit of solder and a dangling thing-a-ma-bob can make a huge difference. 

this first picture is actually with the vase upside down, it seemed to be the only way to snap a good photo of it. 

my daughter introduced me to instagram and i played with it for the first time tonight.  it is neato and all, but i just don't get what all the excitement is about. 

this is the bottom of the vase.  the tear drop piece hanging down has a vintage applique under the glass. 

i added a bit of texture to the tip by letting the foil/tape wrinkle up a bit, and during the soldering process i played around with rolling it over a textured paper towel while the solder was still drippy and hot. 

i am thinking i might need to do some more playing with this idea.

today the beast started out a bit more well behaved and while the hubby and boys went to the annual easter car show and my daughter watched a chick flick.....i am more in to what we call 'dick' flicks around here (as in dick and jane, not the naughty slang term for the male anatomy)....i could not wait to get to the studio. 

i soldered the second dolly reliquary, and i decided to patina one of them.

i like it both ways.  3 of my four peeps like it both ways as well.  my oldest son only likes the shiny one.  

i am thinking about offering this shiny one up for sale with a photo of the patina-ed version as an option.  i dunno.  

if all goes as planned then i should have them finished by tomorrow. 

next up, i soldered the second one of these as well.....

instagram again, i do have to say i like the aged look it gives the photo.   i must surely be missing something though, right?  i have facebook friends posting every photo they snap using this app at an annoying volume. 

a few weeks ago, when i was suppose to be cleaning my studio, instead of putting the peacock feathers away, i just hadda play with them first, and after grabbing a doo-hicky, its name *poof* just slipped my mind....i came up with this and set it aside.  i just knew someday soon i would use it, and i am thinking maybe i could use it here?! 

ummmm....i mean here.

i rummaged through my vintage bead stash to gather bits for this necklace, and its twin.  i am thinking i will have to hunt down some more.  i am hoping i can get the better part of these two pieces done tomorrow as well. 

and instagram again

oh, i did not want to stop playing artist girl at this point.  i was having so much fun.  my inner kindergartener wanted to throw herself on the ground and kick and cry for more play time, but  the guys were home and i promised kolachis for dinner and crack cookies for not only our family, but another family which meant a double batch because no way were we about to give up even 1 of these addicting morsels out of our batch to an outsider!  so i put on my big girl panties and went to work in the kitchen.

kolachis are pretty much yeast rolls stuffed with goodies.  tonight ham and cheese.  to help make the day feel a bit more festive i decided to tint the dough in a blue-green pastel shade.

the photo does not do these round mounds of stuffed nummyness justice, but it gives you an idea.

sadly i did not get to eat one of these tonight as i had a self induced case of monster heartburn caused from sampling  snarfing cookie dough earlier. 

crack cookies.  with or without instagram they taste devine.  i will have to wait until tomorrow to eat an actual cookie since the hubby jinxed me.  never before did the cookie dough samplings snarfings i took made me sick....but nooooo the hubby said to me ' your gonna get sick from that' as he took about 3 cookies worth of dough for himself and here i type with the taste of store brand mylanta clinging to every taste bud on my tongue like it was a life raft and heartburn and a blech stomach and silently praying  begging that this goes away by the time i finish this post.

3 hours in the kitchen baking, and thankfully the hubby was there to help.  there is something about baking and cooking and such in the kitchen that always seems to set the beast on extra ornery mode, and that makes putting things in and getting things out of the oven a no-no. 

it did not help that it was nuts during the entire process....

my daughter....mom when are you going to make the icing, as i was spooning dough on a cookie sheet
my hubby........hon are you going to put dough on the other cookie sheet yet (after i already explained it needed to cool down first)
my daughter....can we make the icing now  (she is 21 by the way)
son number 2...i think the toilet might overflow the next time we flush it cuz.....(i am thinking we should flush it with the plunger in hand to fix the problem but before that comes out of my mouth....)
my hubby....i need to put our sheets and pillow cases in the dryer and the laundry basket is full, what should i do with the laundry in the dryer.  (because the kitchen table also serves as the laundry folding table)
son number 1...when is dinner going to be done
son number 1.....the toilet overflowed
my daughter....can we make the icing now
me to the hubby.....soften 1, 3, start...do this 3 times (so we can soften butter to make icing)
hubby....but 3 means 3 sticks of butter, we only have 2 in here
me....remember last time i told you the microwave can not count....if you press 2 then you have to do it 5 times not 3 which takes more electricity which costs more money which really makes you grumpy when you get the bill

over the 3 hours i was baking and making i had mike attached to my ankles with my each and every move just waiting to be the first one to slurp up any droppings of cookie dough

mia was scurrying at any and every sound and dashing off to run under the hoosier cabinet for safety, i am most sure that she was a scaredy cat in her previous life.

and molly the princess kept scooting her blanky throne to the middle of the floor, and right under my feet.

there were approximately  257 other decisions that i was asked to make as well, ok maybe not quite that many....but it sure felt like it. 

not only was the beast being a pain, but i am hearing impaired and have auditory processing disorder, which means that my brain and ears do not connect properly and i have a hard time understanding words, especially in sentences and son number 1 has a speech impairment and bad timing and i love this boy with all my heart but he seems to have a knack for spewing interesting facts at the least convenient of times. 

after the cookies were scooped, baked, and mostly iced i started working on the stuffing part of the kolachis, for some reason the dough was a bit stickier tonight and was quite a pain to work with, and as i was dealing with the dough i was waiting for it.......and finally the hubby said it...'you know it is probably the food coloring that did it'.   a few years ago i dyed our mashed potatoes pink on valentine's day and my gawd the hubby turned in to my dad and spewed don't &$@# with my mashed potatoes....i swear he was channeling my dad as that was so out of character for the hubby.  since then we joke about dying food....cookies are the only exception to his rule.    as soon as the kolachis were shoved in the oven the table was cleaned and laundry folding began. 

ok...so i was gonna stop yammering on and say goodnight, but i added the 'and a ghostly visitor' to the title and if i don't tell you now i am gonna forget.

last night i was in the kitchen by myself facing the fridge....ok i will admit it, i was swigging out of the milk jug.  i have good reason though since the dishwasher is still not working and i hate the thought of washing a cup if i don't have to.....so anyway,  the daughter was at the gym,  son number 1 in a gaming coma in his room with headphones and mic on, the hubby was on the computer in the bedroom and son number 2 was at a friends house.  behind me, in the livingroom  i heard a man say 'hello'. 

my hearing impairment can make figuring out what direction a voice or sound came from tricky, but as i turned to see who and where the voice was mia and molly raised there ears and looked in to the livingroom. 

just to be sure i checked on son number 1 and he was still in game coma and then i asked the hubby, who had the tv muted, if he said anything, pulled up a site on the computer with volume.  nope. nada.

i told the hubby what happened and it made the hair on my arms stand up on end.   we have had a ghost with us for quite awhile that we swear we brought home in an old armoir.  just in case you are thinking i am nuts, we have a list of witnesses.  'frank' never has spoken, and he seems to not be around during stressful times and as you know it has been a rough year. 

so, my daughter and son number 2 came home and we were in the kitchen talking and my daughter looks to the livingroom and said did you hear that man talking, it sounds like dad. she could not tell what he was saying though.   i had not told her or either of the boys what had happened.  and there goes the hair on my arms standing on end again.  after i told her what happened just a bit earlier we ran back to tell the hubby, and double check to make sure it was not him talking.

i so wish i knew who he was and what he had to say.  a few weeks ago my boys were woke up, awoke, awaken.. 4 or 5 days in a row at the same time every morning by a robin pecking and scratching at their bedroom window about 3 hours each day.    for the last couple of weeks something has caused my hubby to wake up between 4 and 4:30 am.  there have been a few other little odd things here and there. 

ghostly stuff does not bother me, but i have to admit this is making me a bit on edge.  the recorder on my phone is amazingly sensitive and i thought about doing some goofy amateur evp session.....but what if i get something.  i just know i would pee myself and not be able to sleep, even though i find all the ghost stuff fascinating. 

well, i think i have exceeded my jabber limit and i am going to say nighty night....and chug another bit of mylanta-y stuff. 

sweet dreams to ya.  mwah.

do-dadding up papier mache easter eggs

finally i am back...what ever crud i had kicked this arty girls butt in a big way and made the beast (meniere's vertigo for those who are new here) cranky.  but i am back. 

i still need to finish the other bunny necklace, but i really wanted to work on something easter-y today.  i really don't have many decorations for easter.  i dunno why.

and yes, the bunny necklace is easter-y....but i just didn't wanna work on it....ok already?

 what vintage decorations  i have i loves......

these bunnies were made with my mom.  16 years ago we were going to get into the craft business, but i had a newborn at the time and it just never....happened.  probably a good thing because when sewing these i wanted to jab the scissors in to my body repeatedly....i just can not do repetition.

and i just hadda put my bunny ears that my daughter recently gave me to good use.

the big bunny is just a few years old...i bought it from at a craft fair a few years back.  to the right is an art doll i made a few years ago....and yes she does have ninnies...... made from polymer clay. 

so i am pretty puny in the decorations department for this holiday.  a few weeks ago when cleaning my studio i came across 4 large and 9 small papier mache eggs.   the other night i came up with an idea for the small ones....and i have to say they turned out just like i imagined them!  squeeeeee!


i decided to work upstairs in the kitchen because (a)  i did not have enough open space on any of the tables in my studio and (b) the weather started out beautiful and i thought it would be great for snapping photos of the creative process.  the weather quickly changed from sunny to cloudy and rainy then back to sunny then back to rainy...and the photos reflect it.

since i did not have enough acrylic paint, i 'borrowed' from our trim stash of creamy off white latex paint. 

and because i am an a1 slob when it comes to painting i made sure the entire kitchen table was covered.  i also wore a junky shirt because the inner kindergartener in me,  still, without thinking, wipes her fingers on her shirt.


i  wore rubber glubs, because i just did my nails the night before and did not want to ruin these beauties.  normally i do not paint my nails very often, and normally my hands are stained with some arty medium.   my daughter found matte polish for me.....loving the matte nail polish, and loving that the sparklies stay sparklyyyyyy.....ok...so where were we......

the 'before' photo....

i wanted the eggs to look antique and well loved.  i played with a couple of different methods of removing just the right amount of paint. 

this one i  painted a light coat of paint and then held the egg for a few minutes.  when i removed my hand it took some of the paint off with it.

the other method was rolling the egg when the paint was slightly tacky on newspaper.  it actually ended up working out best when i crumpled the paper up and then wrapped the egg up in it and removed it. 

a sampling of eggs done both ways....

next step, i stamped them.

to get a bit of exercise in, i took 3 eggs down to my basement studio at a time. 

i love, love, love these.   i remember a bit ago that i have a vintage wire egg basket and i may just transfer them in to that and keep them in the kitchen after easter. 


for the large eggs i decided to try something that has been pinned on pinterest on several occasions.  using elmers glue as a crackle medium.

even before my hubby lost his job 10 months ago i cringed at the cost of the different crackle paints and mediums out there.  well now there is just no way, so needless to say this girl was as happy as i  could possibly be when i saw the tute on pinterst.  

only problem was i did not have enough elmers wood glue, and no white glue...but i had this

this stuff is a bit more pricey than good old elmers, but mixed with a bit of water to give it the consistancy of elmers it worked just fine.    i am a now now now instant gratification kind of girl....ants in my pants kind of girl so there was going to be no waiting until later in the evening to get some elmers. 

the first egg i did not basecoat.  the other 3 i gave basecoat in pink, green, and purple.

i put the glue on with a sponge brush, and gave it a pretty gloppy thick coat....

you need to let the glue dry just enough so that it is tacky, or sticky.  i found that just dry enough was when you could touch it and it would hold your finger print there.  you then want to load your brush with enough paint to make one long stroke if possible.  make sure you paint in one direction, as in from top to bottom of your project.  do not put the paint on too thick, and do not go back and add more paint...unless it is immediate.  the link for the elmers tute is here .

being that instant gratification kinda girl i grabbed the space heater and used it to speed up the process. 

there is one drawback to using this cheater-cheater method

nope, my easter egg did not develope a zit.  but you do need to pop it.....ewww gross.  sorry. 

it is a poofy bubble of air due to the glue and paint becoming a bit too warm.   who knows...maybe if i was to do it even longer it might've burst in to flames....so....if you are antsy like me and choose to use heat to speed up the processing of all of this be careful. 

i still have more schtuff to do to these guys, and should have them done by tomorrow.  i will post pics when i am done, and the pics will be better.


while digging for these eggs in a super huge plastic tub o'stuff i came across about 20 or so of these.  most still unpainted.

cute little buggers aren't they?!  i had forgotten all about them!  so like i said...most still need to be painted.  remember....i am not much of a repetition type of a person.  i figure i will start on them in july or august to put in the nest feathers shop. 

i am self taught at everything i do.  i saw the snowman face on a painting magazine for ghosts and adapted it. 

i am so thankful for donna dewberry.  that woman knows how to teach some painting.  her books are just perfect for someone like me.  learning disabilities and blonde, and i tend to over complicate things...all handicaps!  *snort* 

i am still so proud of what i painted on our 1930's  kitchen table...so proud i'm just gonna show it off again! 

well...that is pretty much all the show-n-tell for now.   if all goes as planned i will be back tomorrow to show off the finished bits of the crackle eggs.

sloppy smooches and squishy hugs to you....