my art is going to be published! squeeee!

a few weeks ago my dear friend Nancy Gene Armstrong shared a link with me for a call for zentangle art and suggested i submit some of my work for consideration.

well, i have wanted for years to submit my jewelry, art dolls, collage, soldering to the somerset magazines and others and have not just shyed away, but i have run, quickly, away.   

why you ask...and for those who did not ask i will explain it anyway.


rejection.   


it hurts so bad, and i feel like i have had way more than my fair share of it.   as a result i just quit doing those things where rejection would be an option.  

by the time  nancy gene had seen the link and shared it there was 24 hours left to submit artwork.

i thought about it for the first 12 hours or so.  we are going through such a hard time right now....the last several years have been difficult and i really did not want to experience one more let down, dissapointment, or rejection.   i can't take it.   i won't volunteer for it.  

but, then again....i have been working so hard to change the things in me i don't like, that don't suit me and keep me from being the best i can be so that i can be brave and strong and  ready to step out of that comfort zone of mine....and these last few years that has been thrown at me whether i wanted it or not.

  i knew i needed to step outside my box where it was uncomfortable and scary, even though to do so meant i would be naked, exposed, and vulnerable emotionally.  the step i must take in the metamorphosis of me.  and so i did it.  i submitted 4 of my tangles to the create mixed media facebook page.

 i wish now i would have submitted a couple of more, especially since i am finding i like the steampunky bits like i did in this piece.....

a couple of weeks later i got an email that all 4 of my pieces had been chosen for the book!

yippee!  oh-holy-crap......

i was terrified.  now something of me was expected and another fear of mine popped up...dissapointing others.   this has been a most debilitating fear.   it seems growing up i had quite a knack for that.   now, though i understand all the why-s of it as an adult, but that little girl in me is still quite scared and hurt, and skiddish of it all.    

 if i did not put myself out there, i did not have to face possibly dissapointing others.  

i can't do this, i can't do this, i can't do this....i gotta do this, what if i can't do this...what am i gonna do, how am i gonna do this.

the words from pages of requirements swirled all mixed up in my brain.....what if i screw this up.  what if the beast attacks during the middle of this....what if i dissapoint.

i had to recreate the steps as close to the same size as in the original finished piece....i doodle just for the relaxation of it all.....i don't do it with a purpose other than the peace i feel while doing it, i do it for ME.....  now i don't get to do it,  i HAVE to do it, and i have to do it for others....  it is going to be so hard.....i can't...i just can't.   yup that was my state of mind.  

i prayed that night that Jesus would tell me how i was going to do this.  (and for those who know me, ten years ago who woulda thought those words would leave these lips of mine)

the next morning i woke up and as i walked in to the kitchen i heard in my head go get your light box...go get your lightbox!   thank you Jesus!  i went down to my studio and was happy and dissapointed at the same time.  i remembered that light box being a bit larger than it was.  it was a mere 6x8 or so and the light was a night light bulb.  well, that is better than nothing, right?  

i showed my hubby the lightbox and said ' see Jesus gave me the answer'. he still has a love/hate thing going on with God, so sometimes i just get the ok whatever look from him.    later that day he surprised me and had printed off a 40% coupon for hobby lobby and bought me a lightbox that would better suit my needs.   luckily, since he is still unemployed, we had just received his retirement check that day so we had the funds to do so.    


i did end up having to battle the beast during all of this in varying degrees and had one of the worst ear infections i have had in years and was in the most awful pain.   but i made it through.   i did not run away.  


here is what i worked on over the last few days.......it took me about 6 -8 hours a day over 4 days

the hubby just left a bit ago to the post office to mail these off. 

this evening i need to finish the captions and email those to the publisher and it will be done.

i did it!  i did it!  i did it!  i am so darned proud of myself!

i am going to be brave and submit art to all those other places i have been to afraid to in the past.

a mountain conquered for this arty girl! 

  

chalkboard redo: spring, rebirth, renewal

ack!  i am running behind.  the first of the month is when i change out the decorations and i just took down the valentine decorations and erased the valentine drawing from the chalk board last night

i love love and it was hard to take it all down, but i am so ready for spring! 

last week i went on the hunt for bunny ideas on the internet, hoping to get some inspiration as to what i would draw next on the chalkboard. 

i was mildly inspired by what i found, and   i doodled and doodled and by the time i was done you could tell what kind of a week i was having

steph calls the bunny above the crack bunny.   i plan to use him as one of the easter bunnies on the board with a bite out of his ear.  steph informed me she would never, ever, ever take a bite out of a hairy bunny.  

so i am sure from the theme you can guess i had a one of those weeks.  

i am starting to love the art of lettering, and the 30's and 40's are a couple of my favorite decades. 

i sketched what i plan to put on the top of the chalkboard this evening, which has a bit of both of what i am loving.

bunny 1 and 2 will be underneath.   bunny 1 with a shamrock in hand to give to bunny 2.   my family looked at me, smiled that just agree with the crazy lady smile  and made their usual comments knowing full well since i am the drawer i am the winner!   *snort*  

too much cuteness and seriousness and i break out in hives....i must be highly allergic to them both.

something about the haggard bunny makes me think of my dad...he use to joke with the kids that he caught the easter bunny and we were going to have bbq'ed easter bunny for dinner.  yup....i am genetically predisposed to a sick sense of humor i am! 

i finally got to start working on a secret project today

i will play a bit more show -n- tell and tell you all about next week.

right now, just say a prayer a make it through the next week without this nasty bad ear infection getting worse, or better.   i have discovered since i have had a couple of colds and the flu this season that the gnarly beast does not really act up while i am plugged and stuffed up, but when i start getting better and the fluid and goo and such is drying up.   that means since i have 13 more pieces of doodly goodness to draw in the next few days i need to buckle down and get it all done.  the beast was just  quite a misbehaving jerk for a couple of weeks and have just gotten a break the last few days.  this ear infection all   started in my bad ear and moved to my sinus' and now is working its way to my good ear.  this afternoon as i was working on my project the flood gate opened up on the schnoz...nothing like having to back away from the art to avoid a catastrophe.     why is it snot only flows at a rate faster than what you can grab a tissue when in a social situation, or when it can potentially ruin what it lands on?!  

  i am waiting to see if we can get in to a different clinic.... the free clinic i go to is only open for a few hours on monday's and wednesday's  and by the time they can normally work you in my ears will either rot off or i will be healed...thank you Jesus.  

on a less tmi note, my oh-so-sweet wonderful, beautiful, most awesome daughter brought me home 3 new tiaras this past week!  squeeeeeeee!  she know what makes her momma smile!   and earlier this evening a mcdonalds mocha frappe.....oh dear those are my crack.   i have pictures of my 3 newest tiaras...the frappe did not survive long enough for a photo shoot.

and i wore them while doing the housework and cooking dinner, and watching tv, and being arty,  because..... yes, i am the princess of it all! 

i have a ton of hearts and pennies to show you, but that will have to wait for another day.  the caffeine high i was riding as a result of the mcd's mocha frappe is dropping me like a sky diver without a parachute, i have heartburn like crazy and my ears are hurting so bad i could puke up my toenails from the pain.....oh and i am feeling a hot flash coming on....oh the joys of being 47 and almost 11 months old!  now i get to decide if i want to have a swig of store brand mylanta for the heartburn or a halfa vicodin and a few hours of hallucinations for the ear infection pain.   i might just go for the halfa vicodin since it will make me forget about the heartburn and not care about the hot flash.  

hmmmm....i wonder which tiara one wears for a vicodin high?  


i will leave you with a couple of photos of cuteness of eleanor and clarence...remind me sometime to tell you about how clarence and eleanor came in to our life...i don't think i have properly introduced them.  oh...and the day eleanor discovered her penis....... that is quite the story.  

big smoochies to you....nighty night.

How Steph ended up in the ICU

i do not make new year's resolutions, but i did decide to start blogging again last month....this is not what i wanted my first post in 8 months to be about.  but i am thankful that the outcome was a good one. 

first i want to thank everyone who prayed for us, kept us in their thoughts, and i want to thank my sister who has helped us out in several ways during this ordeal.


a couple of weeks ago steph confided in me that she had what she thought was a cystic zit on her...uh....well...the top of her butt crack.   (we would later find this was not the case)

several days went by and it was uncomfortable.  then it began to swell larger and larger and become very painful.  at this point i began to get nervous and the what ifs set in because of what my mom, sister and brother in law had been through...i will explain that later.   i told steph if sitting on the heating pad and hot showers did not bring a change for the better, or if things got worse we needed to make a trip to the e.r.

with insurance, the thought of going to the e.r. for a large cystic zit on your  butt crack would be embarrassing to say the least.   since the hubby is still unemployed, we are still without insurance.  steph did not want us to end up with a large bill over something so 'stupid'.  i told her i would rather have a hospital bill than a bill from a funeral home.  

last tuesday steph was in pain, and she just did not look right and i could not put my finger on it....my dad's words rang in my head....follow your gut.  always follow your gut.  

the next morning steph woke up crying and could not stand up.  this cyst had become the size of a golf ball and the area around it inflamed to baseball size.    we have fluffy butts around here, so this whole time it had been hard to figure out just how big this thing had become. 

the hubby and i took steph to the e.r. and found that what she actually had was a pilonidal cyst.   this is a very common occurance actually.   these are usually easily treated.  they are lanced and drained, packed and the patient sent home on antibiotics and then a follow up with a surgeon.  

the e.r. doc nummed her up, and used a syringe to suck out the some of the gunk to send off to culture to check for staph and/or mrsa, along with a few other boogery medical things.    then he lanced it.   i all but keel over changing a boo boo band aid on a loved one, and max's two major bike accidents that i had to clean and dress and take care of  nearly sent me over the edge.   being in the room was for my baby girl.  i did not want to leave her side, or her feet actually during this process.   even though i could not see her boo-boo, watching the doctors face as he drained this freaked me out...next thing we know there is a parade of medical peeps coming in to take a look at this thing.   it was quite a show.   this cyst went 3 inches deep.   in the medical world this was an awesome site...for the momma...uh...no.   and the smell.   oh there are no words.   one little nurse in training had to leave the room.  i tried not to get the giggles as i thought how i would never complain about the hubbys onion ring farts ever again.  

so the doctor packed her wound with about 6 or 7 feet of packing and sent us home, and we were given the phone number of the hospital surgeon, and a clinic surgeon to follow up with, as sometimes surgery is required to remove this particular sinus cavity to keep this from happening again.   oh, how are we going to afford this.   ok God, i hope you have a plan buddy.  

we joked and giggled on the way home.   we decided all she needed to tell fellow employees and her students was that she had a cyst on her tailbone.  

this is when it got scary. 

we got home, steph went to her room and i went to the kitchen and started making phone calls to get her in to see a surgeon.   i came back to our bedroom to change clothes and steph was standing in the hall way violently shaking, her color was odd, she was breathing strange.   she said she was not cold but it seemed at first she had really really bad chills.  i tucked her in my bed with a heating pad and space heater and called the e.r. to see if she was maybe having some type of allergic reaction to something.   they told me to try warming her up, or bring her back.  

this time i listened to my gut and we loaded her back in the car and took off for the hospital.   half way there i wish i had listened to my gut a bit better and called for an ambulance.   steph was losing consciousness. i had to keep shaking her to wake her back up.    in my head i yelled for everyone who  had passed over to not let her die on us.

by the time we got to the e.r. her temp, in less than an hour had gone from normal to 104, and that was with 3 motrin in her she had taken as soon as she got home.   her heart was racing and her blood pressure was 50/30.   there were times when the machine would not even register the bottom number of her blood pressure. 

many hours later we were in the i.c.u.    she was in septic shock.    we would also be told later that she had toxic shock syndrome.  i never knew you could get that any other way than what we had all grown up hearing about....using tampons.     the infection, since it was contained in the cyst, and had no way of getting out, had caused the toxic shock syndrome.   at that point the packing, or what we have lovingly started calling it...butt stuffins were removed because that would just continue to hold the infection in, however to keep the incision from healing outside in and trapping infection in a pocket, just the last inch or so is packed with medicated packing, butt stuffins.  this will allow the wound to heal from the inside out so that there should be no infection trapped inside causing this problem again.   there is though a 40% chance this could happen again, then she would definitely need surgery.

max and i spent the night with her and bill went home for the night.   later the next day after lots of saline and 3 different antibiotics by i.v. 4 or 5 times a day,   steph's heart rate and blood pressure had normalized enough to move her down the hall.   a c.t. scan showed the infection had not spread to tissue outside of the cyst or bone. 

saturday night steph got to come home.   sleep deprived we all slept off and on in odd shifts.  by monday my brain finally seemed to be able to process what had happened.  it is amazing how your brain goes in to survival mode during a crisis.  

we joked on the way home how when you go on vacation you get a tshirt, and she gets to come home with a neato souvenir mug.  

max and i caught the crud while at the hospital, but thankfully  not the flu.  seems there were quite a few flu patients.  i am thankful that i am hearing impaired.  steph said that when the nurses would open her door she could hear people barfing.  

they sent steph home on one of the meds she received by i.v., clyndamycin and now has developed an allergic reaction and we have switched meds.  

tuesday we see the surgeon.  i am hoping that we will no longer require butt stuffins.   my sister, who is a nurse, has been coming over to change this every other day.     no matter how many times i gave my self a pep talk and tried to put my big girls panties on, there is just no way i could get my self to stuff packing in to an incision in my baby girls body.  

i posted this on my blog since it was too lengthy to post on facebook, but also to share just how fragile and amazing we are all at the same time. 

a couple of years ago my brother in law had either a pimple or ingrown hair on his elbow.  he ended up with an abscess burrowing in to his elbow a good inch or two.   

last year my sister had the same thing on her groin area.   she ended up having to have a patch of tissue removed about 5 inches long and 3 inches deep.  she had staph.  she too went in to septic shock and kidney failure.   the change from something the size of a pimple to a mass of infected tissue happened overnight.

my mom, a few months after my sister, was bit by a spider on her back.  within a day or two my mom also ended up with a mass of infected tissue on her back and had to have a dinner plate sized tissue removed, down to the muscle layer.   she had staph, and ended up with mrsa.  

my mom and sister had in recent months before this happened had the strep virus.  

steph's cultures did not grow staph, and this actually puzzled the doctors.  they thought for sure she had staph.    but she hadnot had strep for years.  

i am not saying there is a connection to step and staph, but makes you wonder.  

we all have staph on our bodies, and most of us do not end up going through what i have seen family members go through.  

i asked 2 doctors at the hospital if there was any connection in any of this, some sort of buggy germ we had all passed around and both told me that staph, and the results i have had family members go through is becoming more and more common.  we have over medicated and our bodies are not able to naturally fight these bugs off.  

i am so thankful that everyone in my family has come through these events and are healing.  

on the way to the hospital with steph when she had become septic i was thankful we were a loving family and that we hug each other several times daily and tell each other daily many times we love each other.....the two usually go hand in hand.   but, i still would not have told her enough how much i loved her.  i told her over and over on the way.   just in case i never got the chance to again. 

don't ever take what you have right now in this moment for granted.  

i've been out in the desert on a horse with no name...

i was trying to think of a title for this blog post and that is what  popped in my head.....what can i say. 


DISCLAIMER:  i have only had 1 1/2 hours sleep, not continuous, and a gynormous heaping caffeine infused drink.  my head and body are going at 2 completely different speeds and i am kinda feeling like a nutball at the moment.  yesterday and parts of today have been... challenging, yea, challenging sounds like a postive spin on crappy, right?  i have the pms equal to that of an entire tribe of women.  my ovaries feel like they are the size of watermelons and the girls feel like they could explode at any moment.    you have been warned. 

wanna hear read something funny.......i just typed this big post, and even though blogger saves...i hit some demonic button that wiped out all my work.   so here we go....again.

you know, they say that when you are about to come up higher the debil gives you a hard time....between these last 2 days and the umpteen problems i have had with blogger today....we must be coming up in one beyond our wildest dreams kinda way!  


at&t finally figured out our problem and it is fixed....whoohoo!

after putting my etsy shop on hold and thinking about it......i am going to give it another shot.   many of the photos to not convey the 'feeling' of some of the pieces i have created and i will be taking new photos of most of the pieces.   now that might make-ah-me-cuhrazy if i am not already.  i really am hoping i can finally get the photos to look like what i know i want. 

i have been in search for the perfect spot for that perfect natural lighting.   the other day i looked across the hall, in to my daughters room, and found it.  currently her bed is about 1 foot from the window so i will be doing some stretching as i will need to become a contortionist in order to take photos there.  

it has been about 3 weeks since i have been in my studio, and if i do not get to put some serious time in down there soon i might need therapy.  yesterday i saw some beads, on pinterest of course, made from newspaper.  last night i watched a movie and managed to fill about a half of a grocery bag. 

since i had not yet played show and tell with the latest necklace i completed last month i thought i would try out that natural lighting sweet spot in my daughters room.   these photos were taken on steph's blankey, and i will in the future be using props and such. 

remember last week i was telling you about my trip to the local teacher/artist resale/upcycle shop i went to?   you get to fill as many grocery sacks as you want for 8 bucks each.  i filled mine half full and got it for 4 to my surprise....normally the meanie lady that works there does not do that for you.  we were lucky a nice lady was working the register.  

show and tell time!  squeeeeeeee!

these cake topper candle holders look worn, loved, and well used.  guessing by looking at the font on the bottom they are no older than the 80's i am sure.  it says lakeshore.  i googled it and could not find anything?

 lace, lace, lace, and more lace.....swoon.

already know what i am doing with these guys!

according to the price tags on these, you are looking at about 30 bucks in stamps.

i have a bright idea for this trio.

bangles that actually will slide over my big hands! 

snow -cycles to add to our january docorations.  we celebrate all things snowy.

some stuff my daughter calls webbing....i think.  i just liked the colors!

a humongous jingle bell

i used a torch to burn off the paint and give it a pretty patina. 




saturday morning we had nothing in the house to eat.....but i had the ingredients for this.....

pinterest is my new cookbook!   i don't know what i would do if pinterest went poof, seriously, i might end up in da bin, the looney bin that is.

pumpkin bread recipe:

Cream together
 3 c. of sugar
 1 c. of oil
 and 4 eggs
  sift in 3 1/3 c. flour, 2 t. baking soda, 1/2 t. salt, 1 t. cloves, 1 t. cinnamon, 1 t. nutmeg 2/3 c. hot water
  Add 2 c. (1 can) pumpkin.

Bake 1 hour at 350.


if i had applesauce i would have used it in place of the oil.

it was pretty darn good, not my fav, but we liked it.   we all found it a bit sweet, so next time i might only use 2 cups of sugar.

i did not have the cloves and nutmeg, so i used 2 teaspoons of cinnamon.

i had 2 cans of pumpkin that were, i think, 15 ounces each.  it came to a bit over the 2 cups.  i used it all.

since i was using 2 cake pans and 1 pie plate i reduced the bake time.  it ended up taking about 45 minutes to bake.  


this afternoon i picked up some store brand, regular, NOT extra virgin, olive oil and made these!   squeeeee!  (there was suppose to be a picture of a tortilla here, but it is down there)


they are so good i will never buy store bought again!

ok...this is quite a mess.  you see in i am a instant gratification girl who is tired.  i had hand washed dishes covering the kitchen table....we still need that hose for the dishwasher....i wanted to make the tortillas....NOW and i am tired.   i made it all on the stove top.  it was a wee bit squishy, but it worked out. 

the top part of the photo is a plate full of tortillas....i dunno what is on the bottom part.  either my phone or the computer weirded out on me and i ended up with this collage.

it also ate 2 really awesome tortilla photos.

 the other photos made the tortillas look so much prettier. 

 this is recipe:

2 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
1/2 cup olive oil

mix together until crumbly and then add 1 cup of warm, microwave for 1 minute, water.  add to the crumbly mixture until smooth.

you are suppose to add salt, but with the meniere's disease i try to avoid adding it and i don't think it is neccesary.

they used a mixer and mixed for several minutes.  that is a luxury that i currently do not have, but will someday soon...i just know it.   i mixed it with muh feengers i did and it worked just fine. 

they squooshed it in to a log and divided it in to 12 equal pieces.   i used a 1/3 cup measuring cup and got 7 and i have to tell you if you try to get 12 out this mixture they would be tiny.

when rolling them out try not to have too much flour on your board (er, foil) or it will burn.

i put a bit of the olive oil in the pan, which was preheated to medium heat.

it took a bit less than a minute on each side.  they begin to poof in spots as they are cooking. 

the original author use avocado oil instead of olive.  

here is a link to her blog   

i have explained health issues, and unexplained.   the docs look at me like i am crazy, but i have a sister going through many similiar issues so i know we can not both be delusional and crazy....right?! 

in an effort to weed out some issues i now only use vinegar, peroxide, baking soda, dish soap, and occasionally bleach...but i have developed an allergy to bleach and try to avoid it if i can.  i make my own laundry soap.  i no longer use store bought cleaners with all of the icky chemicals. 

i have also begun to change our family over to a diet that contains fewer processed foods.   my kids have stomach issues that 3 gi docs could not figure out, a long with a host of other issues that for years i have wondered if they were a result of diet.  

this is going to be a slow process since this family of 5 has been use to the convenience of store bought this and that and oh do i wish we would have never let them eat fast food.  one of my biggest parenting regrets. 

the link i gave you above is filled with lots of wonderful information and recipes for eating non-processed foods.

i am not going to kid you or myself.   i know without becoming radical i will not be able to eliminate all processed foods.  someday down the road i would love to grow some of my own fruits and veggies.  i never have been much of a meat eater, and would love to have our new home on some land so we could have some chickens......but we will just have to wait and see what the next chapter in life has in store for us. 

i was worried about the expense, because as you all know, that 'other' and better door has not yet revealed itself and opened just yet.  money is tight.   according to the blog's author, their family of 4 can eat for less than a months worth of food stamps.

the hubby and daughter just walked in the door so i gotta run.   talk to you soon.   smooches.