7 years feels like a million and yesterday all at the same time....

sometimes it feels like your  existence was a dream, and every once in awhile i get lucky and get to visit you in one. 

i will never forget that day i hugged you extra tight and long and breathed in your cologne because in my heart something told me it might be the last time.....and it was.

i see bits of you, daddy,  your ears, your nose, your smile, your hands,  your mannerisms and i smell you every so often in strangers and in my youngest son.

sometimes i am angry at you....our relationship was a bumpy one,  but i miss you more and i wish we could have you back.

i love you, daddy.

take that blah monster...this arty girl is back

it has been a long couple of years, but the last 5 months have been intense to say the least. 

a couple of years ago i would not have made it 5 weeks in, a couple years before that i would have been lucky to make it to 5 days. 

this girl has been playing cheerleader to the peeps here at our home and being brave, and i think that no matter who you are and how strong you are...... there comes a point where even a brave girl has her moment   where she becomes vulnerable to the blah monster...'specially when the poo hit not just 'the fan'...but a room full of them.....and there was no dodging it.

so....... the blah monster got a good grip on me and held tight for a few weeks, but i  broke free and i am standing in faith once again that we are going to make it through this storm and be better than we were before.....and soon.

during my moment of utter and complete blah-ness i had the urge, stronger than when i was nesting during my baby making days, to clean and purge....the whole entire house. 

normally when stressed i clean drawers, closets, and all the hidden places and spaces of my domain.  the laundry may back up, the dishes pile a mile high in the sink but this girl got clean drawers!

 i am sure if i were to lay back on a therapists couch i would find that this enhanced and amplified nesting is a need to take control and symbolically clean up what ever mess i felt i was in the middle of.  this feels different, though, and it feels good to be getting rid of schtuff..... and the floors are mopped, toilets scrubbed, the dishes done, next weeks laundry is done.....

okayyyyyyy...with the ick out of the way now i can catch up on some of what went on here the last few weeks.

so, this cute little guy here, the one fast asleep with the pink veener dog toy.....

uh-dorable isn't he?

a couple of weeks ago i looked out in the back yard and noticed he was behaving in such a way that i knew in a mega instant that he was playing with a critter of some sort. 

now, it was 1 in the afternoon.   i had just crawled outta bed.....this arty girl is part night owl and does not shut down until 4....5, 6, 7 in the morning.   i had major bed head, blanket crinkles and drool on my face, no bra, and the beast was misbehaving so i was walking like a drunk person trying to walk across a waterbed.  we have privacy fence, buuuuut the neighbors have decks and the neighbors on both sides of us were outside.   lovely.  just lovely. 

mike refused to come when i called him cuz he knew mommy was gonna take his play mate away, which meant that the mommy had to come out after him in all my fresh-out-of-the-bed-glory.  again....lovely, just lovely. 

let the chase begin.  thankfully i was able to grab michael.   clenched between his teeth was a soggy, drippy, and now dead playmate.

  it was either a vole or baby possum.  

i had michael by the scruff of his neck, and gave him a few gentle tough love shakes and told him to drop it and drop it now! 

michael looked at me and i just knew what he was thinking....no way iz i spittn 'im out,  dis bees my toy not yours.  (i just know that is how he sounds...take my word for it)

with that he did what the gators and crocs do on the wild life shows when eating an antelope in one swallow....he did that flick of his head thing so that the vole/possum was not laying cross ways in his little mouth any longer, but now long ways.....then he swallowed it.....whole. 

no way was that dog gonna lick me....evarrrr again. 

everyone was so worried he was not going to be able to poop it out.   ewww. gross, right? 

the loads of dryer sheets he steals seem to have made their way out, pistchio shells, and who knows what else...

everyday as everyone came home from work and school i was asked the same question......so did mike poop it out yet?

really?

why do even my own peeps think i have any desire, or time, to follow the dog around the backyard to see if he has pooped out his playmate.  really.   once my last baby was fully potty trained i gave up having to look at anyone or thing's poop. 

about a week later we let mike have, play with and eat part of a mini pumpkin.    steph, my oldest and only daughter suddenly freaks and started to take it away from him fearing he might get sick from it.....really....he licks his butt daily and eats critters....whole.  i really doubt a mini pumpkin will do any more harm than his other activities do....sheesh. 

halloween came and went....steph and a co-worker of hers dressed up as thing 1 and thing 2 for work and my youngest was a cowboy.

i am lucky i was even able to snap a quickie photo as steph was getting ready to drive max to his girlfriends house for some halloween fun......squuueeeeee i totally forgot to mention that max has a girlfriend, didn't i.  she is cute, and seems mentally well adjusted and normal....thank you Jesus for that!  Lord knows we have had our run of crazy girls between the two boys. 

my smallest baby at birth, only 9 pounds 7 ounces, it now the biggest.  he is 6'2" at the moment.  next week who knows since he is in the middle of the whole puberty thing.

i finished my prototype art doll and am ready to finish up another to send to a swap friend.

these are quickie photos.

i am so in love with this.....and excited.  i am thinking about making one to sell on the nest feathers and twine shop. 

this is a new wire wrapping thing i tried.  i had to figure it out by looking at another artists online.  i am hoping someday soon i can pick up a copy of the book that this technique is in.  the back is up here....and the front down there.....

last night i headed back downstairs to do some more studio purging and cleaning and realized i needed my storage tubs. 

the storage tubs are outside awaiting a rinse down with the hose.

it was 30...40 something degrees and dark and windy.  the hose down is gonna have to wait until this weekend when the temps warm up a bit, so darn it i just had to play a little while doing a little tidying.

i took some of the skulls i had sculpted from polymer a few weeks ago....

i added some acrylic paint to the ones on the left and right.  i was going for a found on the forest floor look. 

 
this afternoon i used a combo of alcohol inks, acrylics and stamps pads  to give these skull their aged and forest floor found look. 

i think i like 'em.

i still like them bone white as well.  i think i will just let each project they will be used in dictate what i do to them. 

i also used utee and regular embossing powder and a stamp to do this to a wooden bead

that is what the stamp looked like i was using to press in to the utee while it was still warm and workable to give the bead texture. 

i also added a vintage stamp to a wee bottle.

i did not like the 'newness' of the cork so i aged it a bit with some ink.

wahlahhh....now it is ready to be used in a future assemblage/collage piece. 

just one of the goodies i found while cleaning the studio....it is gonna be part of a necklace someday real soon...

i have been driving myself looney looking for these and found them....also to be part of a necklace soon, and a few other projects. 

the photo stinks, i know.  i just wanted to snap a quickie to play some show-n-tell of a couple of goodies i have been working on.

i am loving working with the steel wire again.  i did not realized how much i missed it. 

beads i have gathered for another necklace i am working on.   the darned big beads with what i thought were big big holes in them won't take the wire for my original idea.  seems the holes are much smaller in the middle.  so i am rethinking the 'stringing' process for this piece. 

this is the focal for the necklace.  a locket that holds a toe bone from a wolf, or was it a coyote, that was hit by a car and did not survive....according to the etsy seller. 

i am thinking of calling the piece the sacred bone.

i have used steel that i hammered and wrapped it a bit with sari silk. 

i think that is about it.  i am sure i will think of a gazillion and a half more things i wanted to say or show-n-tell as soon as i hit the publish post button. 

i am off to find something of the chocolate variety...wish me luck because i don't think we have anything.  maybe there will still be that swig of pumpkin spice milk. 

i have missed you all.  big squishy hugs and sloppy kisses to you. 

be back soon.

there are bits of fall starting to make an apprearance.....

i could so live in a place where spring and fall were the only seasons.....

my studio is down in the basement....and i am so cut off from the outdoors.....in my dream home, i will have a studio above ground with plenty of windows so that i do not miss sights likes these.

i have been a busy girl in my studio and i am loving it.   so much so that yesterday i refused to crawl back in to bed while the beast was kicking my butt...i had the hubs help me downstairs so i could play.

i made a few more bird skulls...but i have been working on an art doll mostly.  the one i am assembling now is the practice model...the one i will keep for me.   a second one is being assembled to send to a fellow artist for a swap.

her front side

her backside....

i knew i wanted to make a 'cage' dress for the polymer clay doll...i have never done this before this evening.  for a few minutes i wanted to give up and quit, at least for the night, so i put the wire and tools down and worked on another project for a couple of minutes.  this gave me time to rethink my process of bringing all of these pieces of wire together to form the 'cage'.

wah-laaaaaaaaa!  taking that little break is all i needed.

here she is with her wings temporarily places on....i just could not wait to see what it would look like.  unfortunately the person i am to send my doll to lives in australia and i can not use feathers for her dolls wings....i am thinking of using some vintage millinery leaves in white.

while staring at her i wondered what she would look like wearing a mask....the hubs and my daughter like this version better.....i am still deciding.   i like them both. 

a few doo-dads wired to the cage.  this arty girls eyeballs were having a hard time staying focused by this point after 7 hours in my studio so this is the point  i left it before coming upstairs to go to bed...and an hour and a half later i am now trying to keep my wittle eyes open long enough to finish this quick post. 

my husband and oldest son can decide to go to sleep and *poof* within minutes they are asleep...for me and my oldest and youngest, going to sleep is a process of winding down.  

i am not completely wound down, but i am one tired girl, and just right on time.  4:30 am is about my bedtime.

i threw up my mini photo studio so that i could cover up some of the background clutter so you could see her details a bit better.

i will post pics when she is all done tomorrow.   this girl is going to tuck herself in to bed before she face plants in to the keyboard.....

mwah!

hopefully i will have thought of a witty title for this post by the time i am done writing it to replace this...

ok, so i made me promise myself that i would not go to sleep until i made sure i took time to do a blogpost....here i sit...with plenty to say...and my brain is like a kid with adhd running in circles yelling blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.....i feel like i can't nail it down long enough to put a thought together and then send that thought, or collection of them to my finger tips to write this blog post....so bear with me.........i had caffeine today. 


i gave up caffeine about 12 years ago when i began having heart palpatations and svt....today i had a screaming migraine that would not leave no matter how many other ways i try to give it the boot....so i added some caffeine to my system and in about an hour or two i was starting to feel like i was not going to heave up my intestines while my head exploded.   three hours later i got a round of palpations and some svt and the beast (vertigo)  kicked back in to full swing...but my head was not hurting.

so, i have been a busy girl.  i have been adding scarves to the etsy shop.  i have about 9 more to add on tomorrow.  i about drove myself nuts photo editing, not a good thing to do when one has an uber case of peri-menopause enhanced pms....and while editing i discovered that i pretty much need to re-flipping-photograph most of the blues and greens.....the lighting was a bit off by that time in the evening when i shot those photos.  

so......that will have to wait until monday.....would it be totally undignified if i threw myself on the ground and had a temper tantrum like a 3 year old?

i have a million projects going, i always swear after i get a round of projects done i will never get myself in the middle of a million projects at once,  again.....but do i listen to me?  nope, nada, never.  i try....i really do.  it is impossible to limit myself to just 1 or 2 at a time. 

i get to working on one thing, then an idea strikes and i jot it down on a piece of paper to try later.  sometimes this works, but mostly, nope.   that little voice in my head says...oh, just try it...c'mon...try it now....now now now now now....and i cave. 

so i am in the middle of one project that i can not show photos of just yet, but it involves making a wire cage.  i have a ton of steel wire that i bought a couple of years ago to make jewelry with after seeing another artist's work.   after making a beautiful piece...that i forgot to photograph and i am toooooo comfy to get up and snap one....i wore the piece, with a white shirt,  and by the end of the day black stuff had rubbed off just a bit.   well, i sure could not make jewelry to sell that left black schtuff on peoples clothing, let alone having to worry that sweating or getting the piece we would cause it to rust, so i put the wire away and figured i would find a use for it some day.

a couple of weeks ago i stumbled upon another artist's site who uses nothing but steel wire.  she puts a light coating of this stuff on it to keep the black schtuff and rust in check.

tadaaaaaa....problem solved.

well, last night i pulled the two huges rolls of wire out the  storage drawer, only to find there is some rust on it and this arty girl is in need of a tetnus shot.  at the moment we are without insurance.  hmmmmm...not good.   then....ding...the light went off.  nitrile gloves.  they will keep my hands protected, the black schtuff won't rub off on my hands,  and they won't smell like metal for a week after working with the stuff.

some girls get all in the mood for love when their hubby brings them home flowers, chocolate, or diamonds....this arty girl.....nitrile glubs baby...nitrile glubs.

sexy....aren't they?!

i mentioned awhile back that since my beaded jewelry pieces are not really selling right now, maybe it was time to do some found object and curiosity pieces.  something i love, something i have not done in a really long time. 

not too long ago while looking for critter bones on etsy to include in some assemblage pieces, and jewelry pieces...... i ran across a couple of etsy artist's that made their own bird skulls out of  polymer clay.  i love playing with polymer, but i thought there is no way i could make something like these. 

hello....girl you have spent your life doing this to yourself....get a package of clay and do it...NOW.   now, of course i was in the middle of working on two other projects when this inner voice screamed out at me.  i am glad i listened. 

so this is what i did the first night....

this was my first one....i was pretty darn excited...for about 2 minutes.  then i got a case of the giggles and thought this looks like some cartoon version of a dinosaur.....a bit later i added some additional bumps, dents and things to make it look a little more bird like. 

this was my third one....i was starting to feel pretty excited about this....maybe i can do this. 

after i baked the first three i made, i used embossing powder to give their beaks some beaky color.  i used an ecru colored clay, and i will be rubbing on some acrylic paint to give them a 'found on the forest floor' kinda look. 

this is my fourth skull.....squeeeeee....isn't it pretty?!   it is not completely anatomically correct, but i like it...i like it. 

within minutes of posting this on facebook i received a few requests for them.....i know there is no way i can duplicate this skull, so i am hoping that soon i can take a trip to dick blicks and see if they can recommend  a method to making a mold.   

i have made a mold by pressing something in to a ball of polymer clay and baking it...it works great, however i have never made anything more than a 2d-ish, cabochon type thingys.   i need to find a way to make a full on 3d mold.  

in the meanwhile i thought i would play some more last night...i wanted to try to do something owl-ish, and here is what i ended up with....squeeeeeee.....i am pretty darn excited.

i then made this guy, and his buddy below....who looks a bit angry, huh?

this afternoon, in the shower, i got the giggles.  i am sure there are some of my facebook peeps that are not arty that think i must be some creepy nut.  i suddenly felt the need to make a status to explain my new love of sculpting bird skulls.....

again...girl....you have spent your life feeling the need to explain everything you do that is not considered 'the norm'  shame on you....it is art, it is my art, and i don't need to make excuses for any  of it. 

i am, though, a girly girl at heart and i made this ring...one for me....one to sell actually. 

it was one of those happy accidents.   while giving my brain a breather in my studio i began picking up stuff from my last creating frenzy and putting it away.  i came across these itty bitty scraps of some sari silk and even though it was too small to use, it was so purty i just could not throw it away, so i began gathering up these bits and decided to 'store' them on a head pin.

ding...ding...ding....those ring blanks i have just sitting waiting for the most perfect idea.   these ring blanks are cups, i did not want to do the predictable thing and wire wrap some beads to the do-hickey on the inside of the cup.

i love, love, love this ring.    this one will be added to etsy, actually, and probably tomorrow. 


i have worked on a few other projects, and will post pics later.  they are not 'done' enough to look like anything.


well, to wrap this up since it is 5 am....we have had a rough couple of weeks around here.   the stress of it all is kind of grating on everyone's last nerve, and even this girl, who has tried to remain the positive-faith filled-cheerleader has even hit her limit these days. 

it seems that when i get to that point where i just want to run screaming like a mad woman, i get a little nudge to keep going, hang in there.  heart shaped things and pennies are usually the form those nudges come in. 

i have one story of a heart shaped rock i came across that i will save for the day it all turns around for us.....but i have got these to share for now.....


max found this one in a pile of rocks in the back yard...he just looked down and there it was

just a couple of days ago i was down beyond words.  i opened the back door and looked down at the pile of rocks where max had just found the heart rock above.   i thought God, i sure could use another heart rock...a little sign...a nudge to keep going....and there it was

somewhere in between the finds above max found this one too.

ok...if the bird skulls did not make you think i am a bit of a nut......i came across this shop on etsy.  an artist had put together an assemblagey collage piece that included a bird's nest.  i collect bird's nests.   i love them.  

as i looked closer i realized there was something a bit different about the nest, but i could not quite put my finger on it. 

i read the description of the piece and the bird's nest was made of.........hair! 

the hubby has a hair phobia thing like you would not believe.  hair does not bother me...but i don't think i would want someone elses that was not a family member...that might eek me out a bit.

well....i finally had enough of the nest making material in my hair brush the other day and i made one for my collection.....i think it is super neato....and i can not wait to find the just perfect little eggs to put in it.

i had to enhance the photo a bit, which is the first picture.  my hair color it too light and i could not find a place to take a decent photo in the middle of the night. 

you can see in the second photo how it blends in to the kitchen table. 

ok, i told you i am in to oddities.  at least it is not a belly button lint critter, or toe nail critter...almost...but not quite. 

as usual once you get me started i don't easily stop, so i will make myself stop for now and join this guy for a few zzzzzzzzz's.

nighty-night...or at 5:19 am i guess it is morning-morn. 

smoochies to ya....