my art is going to be published! squeeee!

a few weeks ago my dear friend Nancy Gene Armstrong shared a link with me for a call for zentangle art and suggested i submit some of my work for consideration.

well, i have wanted for years to submit my jewelry, art dolls, collage, soldering to the somerset magazines and others and have not just shyed away, but i have run, quickly, away.   

why you ask...and for those who did not ask i will explain it anyway.


rejection.   


it hurts so bad, and i feel like i have had way more than my fair share of it.   as a result i just quit doing those things where rejection would be an option.  

by the time  nancy gene had seen the link and shared it there was 24 hours left to submit artwork.

i thought about it for the first 12 hours or so.  we are going through such a hard time right now....the last several years have been difficult and i really did not want to experience one more let down, dissapointment, or rejection.   i can't take it.   i won't volunteer for it.  

but, then again....i have been working so hard to change the things in me i don't like, that don't suit me and keep me from being the best i can be so that i can be brave and strong and  ready to step out of that comfort zone of mine....and these last few years that has been thrown at me whether i wanted it or not.

  i knew i needed to step outside my box where it was uncomfortable and scary, even though to do so meant i would be naked, exposed, and vulnerable emotionally.  the step i must take in the metamorphosis of me.  and so i did it.  i submitted 4 of my tangles to the create mixed media facebook page.

 i wish now i would have submitted a couple of more, especially since i am finding i like the steampunky bits like i did in this piece.....

a couple of weeks later i got an email that all 4 of my pieces had been chosen for the book!

yippee!  oh-holy-crap......

i was terrified.  now something of me was expected and another fear of mine popped up...dissapointing others.   this has been a most debilitating fear.   it seems growing up i had quite a knack for that.   now, though i understand all the why-s of it as an adult, but that little girl in me is still quite scared and hurt, and skiddish of it all.    

 if i did not put myself out there, i did not have to face possibly dissapointing others.  

i can't do this, i can't do this, i can't do this....i gotta do this, what if i can't do this...what am i gonna do, how am i gonna do this.

the words from pages of requirements swirled all mixed up in my brain.....what if i screw this up.  what if the beast attacks during the middle of this....what if i dissapoint.

i had to recreate the steps as close to the same size as in the original finished piece....i doodle just for the relaxation of it all.....i don't do it with a purpose other than the peace i feel while doing it, i do it for ME.....  now i don't get to do it,  i HAVE to do it, and i have to do it for others....  it is going to be so hard.....i can't...i just can't.   yup that was my state of mind.  

i prayed that night that Jesus would tell me how i was going to do this.  (and for those who know me, ten years ago who woulda thought those words would leave these lips of mine)

the next morning i woke up and as i walked in to the kitchen i heard in my head go get your light box...go get your lightbox!   thank you Jesus!  i went down to my studio and was happy and dissapointed at the same time.  i remembered that light box being a bit larger than it was.  it was a mere 6x8 or so and the light was a night light bulb.  well, that is better than nothing, right?  

i showed my hubby the lightbox and said ' see Jesus gave me the answer'. he still has a love/hate thing going on with God, so sometimes i just get the ok whatever look from him.    later that day he surprised me and had printed off a 40% coupon for hobby lobby and bought me a lightbox that would better suit my needs.   luckily, since he is still unemployed, we had just received his retirement check that day so we had the funds to do so.    


i did end up having to battle the beast during all of this in varying degrees and had one of the worst ear infections i have had in years and was in the most awful pain.   but i made it through.   i did not run away.  


here is what i worked on over the last few days.......it took me about 6 -8 hours a day over 4 days

the hubby just left a bit ago to the post office to mail these off. 

this evening i need to finish the captions and email those to the publisher and it will be done.

i did it!  i did it!  i did it!  i am so darned proud of myself!

i am going to be brave and submit art to all those other places i have been to afraid to in the past.

a mountain conquered for this arty girl! 

  

chalkboard redo: spring, rebirth, renewal

ack!  i am running behind.  the first of the month is when i change out the decorations and i just took down the valentine decorations and erased the valentine drawing from the chalk board last night

i love love and it was hard to take it all down, but i am so ready for spring! 

last week i went on the hunt for bunny ideas on the internet, hoping to get some inspiration as to what i would draw next on the chalkboard. 

i was mildly inspired by what i found, and   i doodled and doodled and by the time i was done you could tell what kind of a week i was having

steph calls the bunny above the crack bunny.   i plan to use him as one of the easter bunnies on the board with a bite out of his ear.  steph informed me she would never, ever, ever take a bite out of a hairy bunny.  

so i am sure from the theme you can guess i had a one of those weeks.  

i am starting to love the art of lettering, and the 30's and 40's are a couple of my favorite decades. 

i sketched what i plan to put on the top of the chalkboard this evening, which has a bit of both of what i am loving.

bunny 1 and 2 will be underneath.   bunny 1 with a shamrock in hand to give to bunny 2.   my family looked at me, smiled that just agree with the crazy lady smile  and made their usual comments knowing full well since i am the drawer i am the winner!   *snort*  

too much cuteness and seriousness and i break out in hives....i must be highly allergic to them both.

something about the haggard bunny makes me think of my dad...he use to joke with the kids that he caught the easter bunny and we were going to have bbq'ed easter bunny for dinner.  yup....i am genetically predisposed to a sick sense of humor i am! 

i finally got to start working on a secret project today

i will play a bit more show -n- tell and tell you all about next week.

right now, just say a prayer a make it through the next week without this nasty bad ear infection getting worse, or better.   i have discovered since i have had a couple of colds and the flu this season that the gnarly beast does not really act up while i am plugged and stuffed up, but when i start getting better and the fluid and goo and such is drying up.   that means since i have 13 more pieces of doodly goodness to draw in the next few days i need to buckle down and get it all done.  the beast was just  quite a misbehaving jerk for a couple of weeks and have just gotten a break the last few days.  this ear infection all   started in my bad ear and moved to my sinus' and now is working its way to my good ear.  this afternoon as i was working on my project the flood gate opened up on the schnoz...nothing like having to back away from the art to avoid a catastrophe.     why is it snot only flows at a rate faster than what you can grab a tissue when in a social situation, or when it can potentially ruin what it lands on?!  

  i am waiting to see if we can get in to a different clinic.... the free clinic i go to is only open for a few hours on monday's and wednesday's  and by the time they can normally work you in my ears will either rot off or i will be healed...thank you Jesus.  

on a less tmi note, my oh-so-sweet wonderful, beautiful, most awesome daughter brought me home 3 new tiaras this past week!  squeeeeeeee!  she know what makes her momma smile!   and earlier this evening a mcdonalds mocha frappe.....oh dear those are my crack.   i have pictures of my 3 newest tiaras...the frappe did not survive long enough for a photo shoot.

and i wore them while doing the housework and cooking dinner, and watching tv, and being arty,  because..... yes, i am the princess of it all! 

i have a ton of hearts and pennies to show you, but that will have to wait for another day.  the caffeine high i was riding as a result of the mcd's mocha frappe is dropping me like a sky diver without a parachute, i have heartburn like crazy and my ears are hurting so bad i could puke up my toenails from the pain.....oh and i am feeling a hot flash coming on....oh the joys of being 47 and almost 11 months old!  now i get to decide if i want to have a swig of store brand mylanta for the heartburn or a halfa vicodin and a few hours of hallucinations for the ear infection pain.   i might just go for the halfa vicodin since it will make me forget about the heartburn and not care about the hot flash.  

hmmmm....i wonder which tiara one wears for a vicodin high?  


i will leave you with a couple of photos of cuteness of eleanor and clarence...remind me sometime to tell you about how clarence and eleanor came in to our life...i don't think i have properly introduced them.  oh...and the day eleanor discovered her penis....... that is quite the story.  

big smoochies to you....nighty night.